Thursday, July 15, 2004

Deconstructing Craigslist

The lovely Wonkette points us to one of those breathless "Rants and Raves" for which the Craigslist community is occasionally noted, this one from a hopefully-temporary DC resident who apparently doesn't deign to put our, uhhh, Washington "Redskins" into her...errrr..."Federal Triangle" for fear of experiencing some...ahhh..."Rayburn Senate Office Building?"

What's her fucking damage? Let's deconstruct.

I've lived in the district for about three years. Never got a boyfriend here, and never will. The only "play" I ever got was when I went out of town to Philly, Boston, or even New York.


So, we're supposed to take abuse from someone who brags that they "even" managed to "get play" in New York? Sweetie, there's like 8 million people in New York. One of thems bound to want to tap your jank ass! If you wanted to take a shit in public you could sell out Madison Square Garden!

It's not that I'm unattractive. I'm tall and thin, even by CL's standards. I'm freqeuntly told I could model. I dress nicely and turn heads wherever I go.


Yeah. If you really want a crowded room to get silent, mention that you've met someone who's attractive "by Craigslist standards". Perhaps when people tell you that you should model, they are saying you are grey and gelatinous, like unformed clay. You know, clay that a skilled artisan should, you know, model with? Please be sure, I'm not advocating that you be stuck in a kiln. Not yet, anyway.

...I'm not high maintence...


Yeah. Just another easygoing little kitten who airs her grievances on Craigslist. Sounds pretty lo mein to me.

I'm also not desperate. I will never fuck any of you shrimpy dorks that make up this city. Do you guys realize how appallingly ugly you are? And how pathetic it is that any of you think you have a chance with me? I might see one decently attractive guy a week, but he would barely register in Pittsburg or Boston. And any guy that looks like that here is always taken!


Again...totally un-desperately whining on Craigslist about the guys you won't have sex with! Putting two and two and two together and coming up with your central mental issue, it occurs to me that calling out "shrimpy dorks" for their "patheticness" and then admitting that the guys you are into are "always taken" sounds clinically to me like you are sort of reflecting your own insecurities onto others. I'd scold you further for that utterly below-the-belt comparison to Pittsburgh (Pittsburgh! Ye Gods!) but seeing as I am already taken, I wouldn't want to hurt someone already too pathetic to have a chance with me.

But this week I learned I'm moving to Chicago. If you've ever been there you know that there are five men for every woman, and they are all 6'4 and good looking. Relief, finally!


Ummm. Well, enjoy this Chicago you describe, though you really ought to read some old Royko columns to get a feel for what you are getting into.

I'm sure the Men of Chicago--known worldwide for docilely putting up with whiny drama queens who feel like it's a fucking honor to tap their cooze--cannot wait for your arrival. Enjoy the pizza--it will be a comfort on your numerous lonely nights.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think Wonkette's gunning for Amy Blair's job ... http://www.blacktable.com/archive/craigarchive.htm

LuvDusty said...

I think this Blog RAAAWKS!

And Metro is in serious need of a total overhaul. What? Prices go UP and there's less trains? Nice.

Really Nice.

God forbid "public" transportation should actually act like "public" transportation instead of a business.

D.C. totally needs to take a cue from NYC's Subway system. Look at that! It's actual CONVENIENT! Shocker!