Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Highlights from Hill Hotties

What fun! The Deceiver was directed to The Hill today, whereupon we found their annual edition of the 50 Most Beautiful People on Capitol Hill. Please feel free to use the term beautiful loosely--at least as loose as the boys and girls pictured therein.

Right away, we have comments. For starters, we have to offer big ups to Representatives Ginny Brown-Waite (R-Fla) and Dennis Cardoza (D-Calif) for hittin' the deuce. Both Reps got two staffers each on the list. Brown-Waite scored with Kristina Moore and Pete Meachum. And Cardoza's apparently stashing a squadron of lovelies in his office, if Julia Gonzalez and Ann Cannon are any indication.

Many actual elected officials got listed, no doubt to the thrill of their constituents. John Edwards is in the mix, as is Mary Bono, Representative Chris "Count" Chocola, Representative Mark "Who Dall?" Udall, Senator Maria Cantwell (we agree, but The Hill uses a bad picture), Representative Ron "Cruel Only To Be" Kind, and the others listed below. A fine group of positively swervey public servey. But we feel there's a glaring omission: Senator Mary Landrieu of Louisiana, for whom The Deceiver has always carried a torch.

For that matter, we personally think Senator ___________________'s lawyer and close personal friend of The Deceiver Heather, whose last name bespeaks an Elizabeth Taylor elegance, belongs on the list. And who could say no to The Diner's own Shayna--summering at Labor--though her curious desire to never be photographed may have hurt her chances. Trust us, though, Shayna's an attractive gal, more than capable of bringing you to, ummm...cloture.

Does the Deceiver have highlights? Oh, my, yes. But if you want to check out the full list and take down some names and descriptions of people who you'll try to shag this weekend at the Hawk and Dove, visit The Hill's own website here, here, here, here, and, finally, here. But be warned, The Hill has a shitty, shitty website.

Representative Stefanie Herseth, D-SD


Herseth is aesthetic proof of why we need more special elections. Posted by Hello
Stephanie Herseth, public servant and hottie, might remain unknown to the larger world were it not for the twist of fate that propelled reckless drivin' Republican Bill Jankow out of office and her into it. Herseth is cute and cunning--an Emily's Lister who's already the go-to gal for Dems looking for the trendy dance partner. We hope she stays in town for a long time.

Emily Cochran, Senate HELP Committee


[insert sound of The Deceiver panting...] Posted by Hello
But, for our money, The Deceiver loves Emily Cochran the mostest. Clock that face...equal parts smart-ass and I-take-shit-from-no-one. Very Mary Louise Parker-y. Can and will teach you something you didn't already know. Will cut you in the heart if you get out of line. Wow.


Senators Chuck Hagel, R-Neb, and Evan Bayh, D-Ind.


Hagel and Bayh, looking as if they'd be right at home at one of Pennsylvania Ave's fine bathhouses. Posted by Hello
You have to get misty eyed at the easy way longtime life partners Hagel and Bayh get on with each other--holding hands, finishing each other's sentences. This bipartisan couple are the Carville-Matalin of the Bravo Network set.
Jonathan Gallery, Capitol Hill Police


So damn fuckable...and the peace officer's not bad either. Posted by Hello
This is why Hollywood's got us dead to rights when it comes to the beautiful people. In L.A., Jake Gyllenhaal doesn't even make the Third Team All-Hottie. In D.C., you've got to go looking to the local mounted constabulary to fill out a list of fifty! Than again, whenever I say "mounted constabulary", I get a big hard-on.
Katy Carver, Sen. Blanche Lincoln, D-Ark


Katy Carver: hottie, but trying a little too hard. Posted by Hello
Katy Carver. She's sexy, she's demure. She's always found by some reflecting pool, strategically placed for the camera eye.
Laurent Crenshaw, Rep. Roy Blunt, R-Mo


When I was told I'd be representing Blunt, this isn't what I had in mind. Posted by Hello
When you look this good, it's okay to be one of the four or five African-Americans voting for Bush.
Pete Meachum, Rep Ginny Brown-Waite, R-Fla


Rockin' the powerless tie. Posted by Hello
Ghastly fuckin' neckwear, dude. Did you do wardrobe for Bush's last press conference?
Vince Morris, New York Post


Thass right. New York Post, bitch. Step off or get beat down! Posted by Hello
So cocksure, it's almost possible to forget that this guy was probably the dimwit who called up the editors of the NYP and said: "Stop the presses! It's Gephardt!"
Ann Cannon, Rep. Dennis Cardoza, D-Calif


Yes...there are many like me in our district...join us... Posted by Hello
Caitlin Horton, House Ways and Means Committee


I have only one hair that refuses to obey. Posted by Hello
Senator John Edwards, D-NC


John Edwards, President? This is Heather White-Diamond's most fervent and shameless dream. Posted by Hello
Jared Page, Rep. Nick Smith, R-Mich


I have worked for years to wrench this pole up my ass, at last it's paying off. Posted by Hello
If you are playing along at home, what's pictured above is the textbook definition of a "shit-eating grin."
John Ullyot, Sen. John Warner, R-Vir.


Sir...my laser guided chin is pointed right at Daschle... Posted by Hello
Everyone in the Senate Armed Services Committee knows to fear Senator Warner's fission-powered, missile launching man-bot, John Ullyot.
Laura Blackman, Rep. John Doolittle, R-Calif


Congratulations, Laura. I will, indeed, be jacking off to you v.v. soon. Posted by Hello
Jessica Cutler's not the only one in DC supplementing that $25K pittance with a little of the ol' in-out, in-out!
Shane Schaeffer, House Sergeant-At-Arms Office


Not even light can escape the gravitational pull of my divot. Posted by Hello
That cleft in his chin may not mean anything to us, but it means something very real to the boys at Velvet Nation.

Carling Dinkler, Rep. Chris John, D-La


At least make a fucking effort, you dork with a fake sounding name! Posted by Hello


Proof positive that there are shifting standards in DC when it comes to qualities like "beautiful" and "most."

9 comments:

LuvDusty said...

What a bunch of dorks! Except for Vince Morris. I'd do him, I don't care how stupid he looks...

Eric T. Blass said...

Carling Dinkler is actually a family name. He is Carling Dinkler IV. His great Grandfather, Carling Dinkler founded the Dinkler Hotels of the southeast which was based in Atlanta, GA.

Eric T. Blass
Morgantown, WV 26508

Anonymous said...

I met with Caitlin Horton recently, and the picture doesn't do her justice. She's spectacular.

Anonymous said...

Check out Nikki Miller in Rep. Sam Johnson's office some time. So nice, so smart, so hot.

Anonymous said...

What about Adam Putnam - Republican (FL)??? He is young and a hottie.

Anonymous said...

What about Sam Geduldig??

Term Paper said...

he is Carling Dinkler IV. His great Grandfather, carling Dinkler founded the Dinkler Hotels of the Southeast.

Term papers said...

I have really enjoyed this blog and I hope that new posts are made.

Anonymous said...

Carling L. Dinkler IV. Freaking awesome name and face and sexy son of a bitch. I'd tap that.