Monday, July 12, 2004

The Weekender

The Deceiver spent the weekend outside...way outside...waaaaaaay outside the Beltway in Leesburg, Va. at the wedding of our good friends from Los Angeles, returning both Friday and Saturday nights to our palatial domcile in Arlington.

The trips were well worth it: the wedding was lovely, bride and groom a glow from the radiance that comes of knowing that no one, not even God, can protest their shacking up, now. Not that it matters in Los Angeles.

Along the way, we learned the finer points of dining out on endangered species in Ulaan Bator*, practiced our hipsterishness by effortlessly working Kanye West references into conversation, and failing to succeed in a mission to dry-hump The Bride of Deceiver on the dance floor (dude, seriously, her father was standing right there! Awkward!)

The Deceiver was hit upon by a comely lass in a black cotton sheath whose opening gambit was to show me three of the disposable cameras and inform me that she snapped every picture on each one of them. Oh? You mean you are off-puttingly obsessive-compulsive in addition to being an intoxicated slut? Let's hit the elevator! (She was last seen rolling on and off a piano, comparing gin blossoms with an equally desperate beau-teau.)

During the two nights of wedding gaiety (all weddings, we've concluded, are a little bit endearingly homosexual), we sampled the fine cuisine at the lovely Tuscarora Mills and the even better Lightfoot Restaurant. The Lightfoot is fantastic--come for the rustic cuisine and fantastic art deco design, stay for that inevitably overheard remark, from one diner to his date: "Come on, I'm gonna walk your drunk ass to the car!"

And I must say, the canapes at the Lightfoot are like crack. So much so that I have placed one of their cater-waiters in the trunk of my Miata with a platter of their crab cake puffs. She says I have her in there "against her will." I say it's all semantics.

*Talk about weak, the only thing we could really manage during the conversation on Ulaan Bator was that UB is a go-to clue for the stuck crossword author, like "epee" or "olio." Not to worry, commemorative "Stump The Deceiver" certificates have already been mailed.

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