Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Hi there. Did you miss us?

Hey there. When we last spoke, The Deceiver was happily flush with Wonkette visitors, and we were on the road to NYC, to spend our summer vacation. We're back now, having left Manhattan in fine shape for the upcoming GOoPer Convention, and we're piled under a mountain of work in our lush L Street office. As an added bonus, most of the Wonketteers from last week have left the building, which means that yes, it was an inopportune time to go on vacation. As The Walkmen state: "Once when I went out I knew everyone. Now I go out alone if I go out at all."

NYC was fantastic, by the by, thanks for asking. We had drinkies at Paladar, fantastic Korean food in the East Village, cigars and bourbon atop Travis Mills' apartment near the Williambsurg bridge, fantastic lox and even more fantastic herring (like fish-candy, all non-Swedes take note), a great time in the Park and on Fifth Avenue, where we were having too good a time to starfuck, and the worlds greatest grilled cheese sandwich at Amy's on the campus of Hunter College.

We tried, and failed to do everything mentioned in the song "Korean Bodega", but we're pleased to report that our class at The Learning Annex--"Dishy, Swishy, and Always Fishy: Blogging the 21st Century Snark Merchant Way"--was well attended. Hopefully, we'll be back in the fall with a follow-up: "It's Not Our Fault: Why Everything We Told You Was Not The Real Reason You Got Sued."

Other observations:

1. NYC is now impossible to enjoy without a cellphone. Really. It's the dividing line between a good time and getting ass-jacked. Don't even think about going without one.

2. For optimal results, have access to the internet as well. We didn't--we wanted to "rough it."

3. Brooklyn is the new Manhattan. Queens is the New Brooklyn. Staten Island is the Old Staten Island. Islip is the new Long Island City. Hoboken is the new Bethesda.

4. All cab drivers drive like Lizzie Grubman, just better.

5. To the guy sunbathing Sunday morning on the roof at York and 74th. Please slowly put your shirt back on.

6. Despite all manner of vows to the contrary, we very nearly did go to Pianos.

7. Foot traffic at 50th and Broadway is so bad, that I expected a Vietnamese Death Camp at the end of it.

8. Chalk it up to the Con Con, but there was a disturbing lack of homeless people in the city this week. Positively eerie. What has Bloomberg done with them? I can't tell you how depressing it is to be in Manhattan and field no offers for $4 blowjobs.

9. There was a crazy prevalence of NJ-Do Not Call advertisements this week, featuring Jim McGreevey. It's like his coming out announcement was right before the wrap party on those advertisements. New Jerseyans who would bemoan McGreevey's sexual proclivities should remember that when the people of New Jersey needed someone to cockblock the telemarketers, he put the hammer down on invasive telecommunications. Surely a man who could keep NJ pristine from cold-calls can be counted on to ass-fuck responsibly? Remember: McGreevey made his body a temple. Or a Temple, if you are Golan Cipel. And that, folks, is this week's naked attempt to attract Wonkette's love.

10. Apologies to all we could not see and do this week. Catch you next time.

Thanks to: Bob Lord, for the free lodging; Travis and Amy, for the expert guidance; the good people at BlissSpa, for fulfilling my wife's wishes; the staff at Finnegan's Wake at 73rd and 1st; and Beth and Jim Low for serving as our Northern NJ base camp.

We hope to visit NYC again. In the meantime, watch out--the Republicans are coming.

Now. Check back later for everything we missed last week.

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