Thursday, August 26, 2004

Take the ballgame out.

The tide of public opinion is turning against baseball in Washington, DC. In the most recent poll, 70% of DC residents oppose publid financing for the new stadium that would be required by the meretricious bastards at Major League Baseball. But Anthony Williams is steadfast in his determination to bring the national pastime to the nation's capital. Of course, we've seen in the past that Tony's steadfast determination is lacking in steadfastness and determinitude. Nevertheless, the occasion allows for comic pronoucements such as this one...

"It's difficult to talk about in the abstract," Williams said in an interview. "I mean, everyone is for baseball. Nobody's for robbing the schools and health care to pay for it. But that's not what we're talking about doing. I think we're able to do both."

You gotta love a guy who first announces how hard it is to speak abstractly, then offers his own glib abstraction! Hey, we're all for baseball? Thanks for telling me what I didn't already need to know, Tony!

But it's hard to imagine the DC government succeeding in any situation that requires them to "do both." If the passage of council resolutions depended on being able to chew gum and spit at the same time, Kevin Chavous would have choked to death already. Not that that wouldn't be an improvement.

But let's talk in concrete terms for a minute. Despite the loud bray of old-liners who mourn nostalgically for the return of the Senators, DC is not a baseball town. We're sick for the Redskins, totally wound up about college hoops, and really place the most DC-sports identification on the world of high school basketball. With the DC United garnering the support of our Hispanic community--one of the key baseball support demos, there just isn't enough room in our tattered, jaded hearts for a major spiritual investment on a shitty Canadian baseball team that the Canadians didn't want or watch or care about.

Besides, I am not fooled by the whimsical waves of Yearn that come from old Senators fans. History teaches us that even that team, in it's heyday--and I am using the term heyday extremely loosely--wasn't nearly as popular as its partisans would suggest. The Senators were never very well attended--and those that did attend typically did so as either neutral observers (tickets were lavished on guests and supporters of members of Congress), or as supporters for the visiting opponents. So it's not just a stretch to say DC could become a hot baseball town--characterising DC back then as some baseball-mad mecca is about as far from the truth as it gets. Maybe the anti-Kerry "swift boat veterans" should rally to the cause!

Plus, the bottom line is the Washington Senators were shitty. SHITTY! LA Clippers worthy shitty. And the team we'd get--the Montreal Expos--even shittier! Given the fact that the Redskins, Wizards and Capitals are also shitty, we need to ask ourselves--do we really need another sinkhole of a sports team in our fair city?

Of course, the biggest enemy of DC Baseball is Orioles owner Peter Angelos, who is an asshatter of the highest order. Simply to make him unhappy, it would be almost worth it to install a baseball team in Washington. But it would be cheaper and better to simply leave bags of flaming poop on his doorstep.

Not that I've ever done that before.

1 comment:

Sidney Blanck said...

Wishing you all the best!