Monday, September 27, 2004

DC Baseball threatens to displace gay community. How the gay community can threaten back.

The DCeiver has heard the news today that if the slim hope that is DC Baseball comes to pass, a proposed stadium may well be constructed in such a way that it displaces a number of landmarks dear to DC's gay community, including Nation--which is also beloved by estrogen-enhanced straight males who listen to emo.

Whatever happens w/r/t DC Baseball is either going to be a long, drawn out melodrama or it's going to come together very quickly. My best advice--gamble on it coming together quickly and get out in front of the news as fast as you can.

Here's how. To my knowledge, while we have gay clubs and gay restaurants and gay vacation locales and gay neighborhoods in America, we do not yet have a gay ballpark. I suppose Pac Bell Park (or whatever they call it now) comes the closest, but even there it's largely shared among the gay community, the bondage community, steroid enthusiasts, former residents of Hong Kong and the remnants of the Jeff Kent Memorial Anger Management Collective and Chowder Society Unlimited.

DC has an interesting advantage over other baseball towns in that our gay community is not only creative and active, but it intersects with some of the most wealthy and well-connected and powerful gay activists in the country. So I think the gay community in DC should organize, flash money clips, and announce their intention to turn DC's professional baseball concern into the pre-eminent gay-themed sporting team and arena complex in the world.

In other words, from the ashes of one Nation, let a hundred Nation's sprout forth--from every upper deck section, from every luxury box, behind every dugout. Baseball--with its pitchers, its catchers, its bullpens, its seventh-inning-stretches, its batters charging the mound, its pop-ups, its fly balls, its double plays, its fielder's choices, its inside-the-park-home-runs, its rosin bags, its squeeze plays and its sacrifice bunts--has been clearly ready and waiting for the moment to come whereupon America's pastime takes on its destiny--full-blown fabulousness.

1 comment:

Michael said...

Brilliant idea! First of all, announcing these plans will guarantee that the stadium doesn't get built (which is, in the spirit of full disclosure, my goal), and second of all, it'll provide a brilliant spectacle of entertainment!