Thursday, September 23, 2004

I'm very disappointed in you, Washington

Posted by Hello

It's abundantly clear that Washington, DC has a population richly dense with Those Who Take Themselves Way Too Seriously. In most communities, when the Powers The Be tell the snowbound: "Non-essential personnel may stay home", they get the message, leave their bunny slippers on, turn on Guiding Light and drink ranch dressing right from the bottle--like rational people. In DC, we spelunk through snow drifts to work because Christ, man, SOMEONE COULD DIE(!!) if I'm not there by nine to disseminate our strat memos!

The Deceiver accepts these flawed persons, cherishes them, cares for them, holds them close to his bosom. But there are limits to my tolerance of the over-serious, and they were reached this morning when I went onto Votergasm and discovered that there are currently only two Votergasm parties planned for the national capital area!

And one of them is in Greenbelt.

Now, this isn't to say that Votergasm is catching on like wildfire, because it hasn't, but it seems crazy that DC might miss this unique opportunity to stop playing she-bop with their political frustrations and instead make a "joint resolution" with someone on election night. Imagine how refreshed we'll all feel the day after! Imagine how excited all the Hill staffer-boys are going to be after they learn that hot sex doesn't always have to end with them making a check out to Jessica Cutler.

As DC luminary John Riggins once said: "Loosen, you're too tight!" Take these words to heart, DC, and this November, let Independence Avenue run thick and sticky with the effluvia of mass Votergasm. Has Wonkette taught us nothing?

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