Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Snark Captain and the New Media of Tomorrow

Posted by Hello

If you haven't seen the cover of New York Times Magazine yet, there it is. The cover depicts Ana Marie Cox using the sparkly lights of her Dell Inspiron to momentarily stun and befuddle the onrushing R.W. Apple and Jack Germond, who, despite having just come from eating several roasted minotaurs, find themselves ravenous for a Wonkette amuse bouche. As the bright lights of the pretty laptop combine with the Minotaur meat clogging Apple and Germond's sinuses, the quick thinking Cox is able to blog her way to safety by reaching Mark Halperin on his Blackberry, who immediately dispatches the Noted Now SkyCopter to rescue Cox and bring her back to his 18th and Swann NW hideaway, where she spends the evening guzzling mojitos and ranking on Jodi Wilgoren's wardrobe.

At least, that's how it goes in the treatment I faxed to Drew Barrymore's production company.


Anonymous said...

This is the funniest thing I have ever read or would be if I had any idea what you were talking about.

Anonymous said...

I haven't heard something so inside, since Denis Miller tried to explain why he is a Republican and no longer funny in Esperanto to a small tribe of Amazonian Indians while high on some kind of plant based hallucinagen which is shot up his nose with a powerful blow gun and then started riffing on Russ Myer movies (God rest his soul). Nice job.

The Deceiver said...

Once again, mentioning Lauriol Plaza brings eyeballs to the DCeiver...but, you'll note the increasing degree of difficulty. In this post, I had to allude to LP using geography/menu items/Jodi Wilgoren's supposed ubiquity. At this rate, by next year I'll have to upload sound files with tones specifically designed to trigger specific synaptic responses in viewers that call Lauriol Plaza to mind. Someone get Manchurian Global on the line for me...

Anonymous said...

I'm trying really hard to like this blog but you're making it difficult. What are you talking about?

The Deceiver said...

What is The DCeiver talking about?

Shall we start globally?

Washington, DC, officially the District of Columbia (also known as DC; Washington; and, historically, the Federal City) is the capital city and administrative district of the United States of America. Residents of the city and its surrounding suburbs refer to it simply as the District or DC, to contrast Washington from its greater metropolitan area. c Washington, DC is the most common way to refer to the District throughout the rest of the United States and the world. Washington or Washington, DC is also used as a metonym for the federal government. Politicians and candidates for office sometimes use these terms pejoratively to convey a sense of solidarity with their constituents by distancing themselves from the negative image of an out-of-touch centralized government. (The Washington Post criticized this common political tactic in a 2001 editorial (http://www.washingtonpost.com/ac2/wp-dyn?pagename=article&contentId=A22140-2001Aug30¬Found=true).)

The District of Columbia is not part of any state, but rather composes a unique, federally managed district within the United States, with limited local rule. As the seat of national government as well as the home of numerous national landmarks, museums, and sports teams, Washington is a popular international destination for tourists and school trips.

The centers of all three branches of the U.S. federal government are in Washington, as well as the headquarters of most federal agencies. Washington also serves as the headquarters for the World Bank, the International Monetary Fund, and the Organization of American States. All of this has made Washington the frequent focal point of massive political demonstrations and protests, particularly on the National Mall.

The population of Washington, as of 2003 U.S. Census Bureau estimates, is 563,384. Despite being smaller in area than the smallest state (Rhode Island), it has a larger population than the least populous state (Wyoming). Together with portions of Virginia and Maryland, and Baltimore and its environs, Washington is part of a large metropolitan area known as the Baltimore-Washington Metropolitan Area. In recent years, the metro area has expanded to include communities as far away as West Virginia, Delaware, and Pennsylvania.

The official bird of Washington DC is the Wood thrush. The official motto is Justitia Omnibus (Justice for All).

--from Wikipedia

Anonymous said...

Wow. Way to be a cunt and alienate one of the five people that actually were reading your blog.

The Deceiver said...

What is The DCeiver talking about?

Now, let's get specific:

A sunday periodical that comes with a subscription to a newspaper called THE NEW YORK TIMES, which was founded in 1851 by Henry Raymond and George Jones. The TIMES presents articles on culture, opinion, and current events.

Journalist/Blogger who currently resides in Arlington, VA. Has written for Suck.com, Mother Jones, and currently publishes the popular blog WONKETTE.

Short for weblog. A place for the natterings of the underpriviledged/underconnected/disreputable musings of the underpriviledged/underconnected/disreputable, written for savvy internet users or people who like to jack off at work and the small woodland creatures who love them.

A popular model of personal computer from the popular computer manufacturer Dell.

The "Chief Correspondent" for the aforementioned NEW YORK TIMES

Journalist and author, Jack Germond is a regular panelist on INSIDE WASHINGTON.

In Greek mythology, the Minotaur was a creature that was half man and half bull. It dwelt in the Labyrinth, which was an elaborate maze constructed by King Minos of Crete and designed by the architect Daedalus to hold the Minotaur. The Minotaur was eventually killed by Theseus.

The political director of ABC NEWS.

One of the types of devices known as a PDA, or Personal Data Assistant. Essentially, it is a PalmPilot for people who are pretty. Very very pretty.

The up-to-the-nanosecond digest of politics and self-reference produced by ABC NEWS' Political Unit, who also produce the up-to-the-second digest of politics and self-reference, THE NOTE.

18th and SWANN, NW
An intersection in Washington, DC.

2-3 oz Light rum
Juice of 1 Lime (1 oz)
2 tsp Sugar
2-4 Mint sprigs
Soda water

Reporter for the NEW YORK TIMES, I believe the Chicago Bureau Chief.

I hope that just about explains everything.

The Deceiver said...

Anonymous, I don't get you. You do know you are reading a blog called "The DCeiver", don't you? I mean, this blog is not called "Your Ever Sincere Friend" or "A Collection of Universally Approved Opinions Sure to Provide Guidance." At the same time, you can THANK YOUR LUCKY STARS that this isn't called "A Diary of my Off-Putting Social Pathology" or "A Compendium of Intimacy Issues."

Do you feel alienated? I'm sorry. But I'm trying to imagine you telling a friend, "Hey. You know. I felt really alienated by that guy who calls himself The DCeiver" without laughing. I bet your friend replies: "Yeah. Well, I got the weirdest feeling of neediness from the guy who calls himself the Collection Agent." I, myself, get the strangest sensation of caffeination from the girl who calls herself The Barista, but I don't wander around in complete bafflement.

But, as someone who allows himself to believe they are a full 20% of my readership, I'm guessing you make up for these troubling behaviors with a healthy dose of good, old-fashioned narcissism.

The Deceiver said...

Just for future reference, anonymous commenters: Anonymous guy at 1:34pm out-snarked me--scroll back up and peep the technique-backhanded praise wrapping up a nicely delivered burn alluding to the inside-jokey nature of the post. Even I said: "Oooooh, snap!"

3:23pm Anonymous, you just whined. "I'm trying hard to like this blog." Well, get more Vitamin C, then. Do some push-ups. That stuff's just weak. 1:34pm guy SMOKED me. 3:23, you just vapor.