Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Arena anxiety; dissing dual loyalty

The hearts of DC residents are all aflutter with worry and constipation over area stadia, according to the news today.

Over in Prince George's County, the county council has sternly rebuked the Washington Redskins for installing additional seating without prior approval. At issue are zoning regulations, which mandate a certain number of parking spaces for each seat. After considering the myriad ways the County could stick up for the law, they finally opted for a mild tongue-lashing, perhaps saving their best for a future showdown with the Skins with regard to why it's illegal to walk to the stadium.

Council Vice-Chairman Samuel Dean stated that the matter wasn't worth getting into a "lengthy legal battle" over, he just, "wanted to get a handle on what is happening in that venue."

Hasn't Vice-Chairman Dean heard? There's a whole lot of sucking going on in that venue. Same as usual.

In other stadium-related dust-up news, a scrappy group of protesters descended on the Wilson building to formally grouse about The (Constitutionally Limited) Powers That Be and their plans to hock some massive half-billion dollar bonds to build a stadium that's gonna put the "cost ya" back into the "Anacostia Waterfront." The protesters, dismissed as "populist grandstand[ers]" by Mayor Williams, cited some homeless people and schools and stuff.

The DCeiver can certainly understand the POV of the stadium-opposed. After all, taxation is the engine of social mobility, and you oughtta ask who's getting primo use of the horsepower before you go around floating bonds hither and yon. Nevertheless, standing in the way of this stadium is dangerous territory, because when you do, you are standing in between Anthony Williams and His Legacy. That's deadly ground. Are you sure you want to stand there? Mayor Williams may appear flu-bitten and mild, but when it comes to politicians and their legacies you can expect Williams to do everything up to and including calling himself Smeegle and bathing in his own bran-encrusted filth to see that his birds come home to roost.

A solution? Here's one. Let's have the Expos come to town and...see how things go. Let's see first if the former Montreal Expos, by dint of their new mid-Atlantic home, can fashion themselves into a team worthy of a shiny new arena. And let's have the design keep pace with expectation. The way I see it, if this team only manages to garner 10,000 fans after it's first few years, then we can save a lot of money on some scaled-back expectations.

Here's something let's NOT do: If we are to have a DC Baseball team, let us not embark upon the regrettable and wimpy road marked "Dual Loyalty." Tony Kornheiser has professed in the WaPo that we are free to root for both the new DC team AND the Orioles. I agree that all are free to do this, but let me add: those who do are quisling garter-eating pussies.

Dual loyalty is NOT how things are done! You cannot simultaneously plan for peace while waging war, and you cannot be both a Mets fan or a Yankee fan! Cannot be done. And, more importantly, should not be done. My mom grew up in Hammond, Indiana, where the Packers and White Sox walked in Elysian fields with the Gods themselves and fans of the loathsome Bears and Cubs weren't fit to breathe the same air!

Kornheiser is 100% wrong on this. If you plan on maintaining your rooting interest in the Baltimore Orioles, you MUST despise the DC Baseball team with every ounce of your being. If you plan on joining the supporters of the new DC concern, you must renounce the Orioles forthwith! DC grows more sophisticated, more iconic, more true to itself every day--let's not sabotage those efforts by listing down the sloppy slope to mealy-mouthed, ambivalent, "everyone's a winner" patsydom.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Kornheiser should be restricted to writing about the bandwagon. We should freeze him or something, and just thaw him out when the Skins aren't losing. (Which, apparently, means the year 3000.)

Oh, by the way, has his sitcom been cancelled yet?