Tuesday, October 26, 2004

DCeptette: Who shits in what woods version

  1. World of Craigslist: Here we go again. Craigslister accidentally pens lyrics, this time to lost early period Nine Ince Nails track. Would fit nicely as B-side to "Closer", but is probably too insipid for a Johnny Cash remake. All the same, we worry that somewhere, out in the District, some high school's about to get shot up. (Craigslist)
  2. More from Craigslist: This poster sidles up beside what could be one of the great existential questions: is Cafe St. Ex a Sartrian black-hole in which all connections are doomed to be missed? And, if so, can market pressure be brought to bear on Cafe St. Ex that would lead to them reducing the price of martinis, just a tad? I mean, I can get one cheaper at the Black Cat, and the bartenders usually overmix. (Craigslist)
  3. After a day-long orgy of killing, Maryland's bear hunt is declared over. Remaining bears to plan guerilla insurgency, intelligence suggests they are receiving help from possums, raccoons. Bear leader insists, "The infidels' trashcans will not be spared any mercy during our glorious overturning campaign." Governor Ehrlich promises a response "as soon as [his] sinuses aren't clogged with tasty bear meat." (Post)
  4. Globalization scandal at the Army Ten Miler: commemorative medals are shown to bear "Made In China" label. Also, American flag thereon missing two stripes, leading some to imagine which "two colonies were left out." Why, Hong Kong and Taiwan, of course! (Leiby)
  5. DC Bus drivers mount sickout, and the Washington Times, needing to give story an anti-labor frame, leads with: "About 600 special-education students in the District were stranded at their homes yesterday morning, when bus drivers and attendants staged an illegal sickout over wage and back-pay issues." When reached for comment, Times editor Wesley Pruden, assures The DCeiver: "Not to worry, we plan on returning to our unflagging refusal to support special education programs just as soon as we're done sticking it to working people." (Moonie Dishrag)

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