Thursday, December 16, 2004

DCeptette: Fletch Dies Version

  1. Oh, no! Looks like Major League Baseball might huff off to (tee hee) New Jersey, in the wake of Linda Cropp's vote yesterday. Damn. Cropp is straight gangster, leaving a horse's head in Bud Selig's bed like that. Trust me, I'm no glossy eyed lover of Linda Cropp--she only did what she did because she didn't get bought off to the point that basking in the glow of the people started to look unattractive. Trust me, if she had been, she would have joined the "let them eat crackerjack" chorale fast as lightning. Like I said yesterday, though, it's HARD to know who to root for in this. So you have to do what I do, everyday--count a new blessing when you wake up. Today, I am amused and delighted at what cockmastering jerks the MLB owners look like. DC's been begging them for a team for years--"Shine a light on MEEEE Bud Selig!" So finally, the stars align, and all those greedhead owners line up to wrap themselves in the mantle of Doing The Right Thing, Correcting a Great Wrong--"Look, at us! We have magnamimously returned baseball to DC!" Yeah, as if they weren't really the problem in the first place. Now that the Council vote isn't too their liking, they show themselves to be the pinheaded shitwranglers they truly are. So much for doing the right thing and correcting a great wrong! At the end of the day, DC was right to toss those criminals out of town, if, in fact, that's where they're headed. Majopr League Baseball has become such a pimpledicked joke over the last twenty years--think about how now, the steroid scandal has sullied the last Temple of Purity for baseball enthusiasts, the Recorded Historical Statistics and Records! These owners brought it all on themselves: every poor decision, every instance of letting someone off the hook, the alienation of fans, the miserable joke of small market teams, the bloated salaries--who's to blame for all that? Here's a hint: not Linda Cropp! Here's hoping that other cities strong arm these bastards. May the Montreal Expos become a ship without a harbor, on one eternal Tour of Shame from city to city. Good riddance. (Post)
  2. Just to show that good people can disagree on this matter... (Blue in the Face)
  3. Peter Marks: ask yourself do you really want to be on the business end of my ball peen hammer? (Post)
  4. Craigslister "Confused in New York" doesn't recognize a glass house when he sees one, complains that "most of the nation's capital looks like a Third World city." Umm, most of the Nation's Capital looks like Rock Creek Park, dipshit. Anyway, Confused, have you ever been to Times Square on a Saturday night? (Craigslist)
  5. This article needs an interpreter! Okay, the best we can make out, some Maryland doctor decided he would attempt to be clever in a deposition. This violates one of the Diner Media Empire's Rules (#32 to be precise), "Never try to be clever in a deposition, wait for the trial." Now the Times is running a story on the weird-ass things he said as if they should be taken at face value--proving once again that abiogenesis exists only in the minds of your press corps. Still, this article can best be summed up as: "The Inexplicable, as reported by the Unintelligible, read to Baboons." (Moonie Comes Alive)
  6. Speaking of the spectrum between inexplicable and unintelligible: Chevy Chase embarasses the People for the American Way Awards by launching into one of his patented unfunny tirades. Yeah, we at The DCeiver are inclined to agree with his assessment of Bush, but go and shit all over Bush's house, not PFAW's. Now PFAW finds themselves in a puddle of Newsmax menstruation and Drudge-goo, and the Chevy Chase comeback tour comes to a screeching halt. Also, when Chase said: "I started Saturday Night Live," would it have killed Tom Shales to just throw a remaindered copy of Live From New York at his head? (DCist)

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