Tuesday, December 14, 2004

DCeptette: I play with balls version

  1. As I type this, the DC Council is meeting, so a decision on baseball will be coming soon. Yes. We know. What was the first vote for? I guess it was a vote to have this vote. Council chair Linda Cropp abstained after attempting to secure some shady private financing. She told the Post, "We have things in writing from Major League Baseball" that "sweeten" the deal. Uh-huh. Let me tell you how the Council works--it's the deal sweeteners that AREN'T in writing that you have to worry about. The crony buy-ins and pay-outs, the shady ass contractors like Booz Allen, jackholes like your Arrington Dixons--crooks, really. And don't forget, we got Marion Barry returning. You think today's vote's gonna get in the way of HIM getting paid? Ha. Forget it. These are the devils that swoop in every time the District gets it into its head it's gonna build something, and the devil always gets paid. So good luck with this baseball vote, look out for the crooked smiles on the puffy faces of your government, watch Tony and Linda and Bud Selig as they lick their sticky lips and drum their ink-stained fingers and plan their little plans, and remember--you are going to get a craptastically god-awful baseball team in return. (Post)
  2. Craiglist: RAPT Management. They are looking for some "Hot Trackz", yo! In the hizzy. "All mashed up!" With zazz! What? Have they not heard Los Pimpos? (Craigslist)
  3. Bush attends Christmas in Washington at the National Building Museum, and enjoys the pop-stylings of pre-teen whore JoJo. However, Phil "Dr. Phil" McGraw emcees the festivities, which means Bush is only the second most pussy-ass Texan in attendance. (The Reliable Source)
  4. Oh, the people you'll murder! Thomas J. Boykin is acquitted of manslaughter, so I guess we'll never know how James Richardson died! Also, in PG County, a judge declared a mistrial in the case of Emmanuel McClain, who attacked a kid and left him to be run over because the guy offered to buy some girl a Slurpee. Hey, Castor Oil! Here's another one! Holy fucking nuts in a vice, dude. (Post/Post)
  5. Headline help. Okay. Your headline should read "Hospitals fight spread of flu with masks, advice." Your headline, "Hospitals fight flu spread with masks, advice" makes the reader wonder: "How the fuck do you spread the flu with a mask? How do you spread the flu through advice?" you stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, ASS newspaper. (The Stupidest Stupidest Stupidest Stupidest ASS Newspaper in Town)

No comments: