Friday, January 14, 2005

DCeptette: The Only Living Boy In New Carrollton Version

  1. Michael Newdow, angling to become America's atheist par excellence, returns to the news to protest the prayers that will be happening at inauguration. Look, man, we at the DCeiver keep the Virginia Statute on Religious Freedom close at hand, we're not blind to shitty way you can get treated in this country if you aren't willing to give it up for Jesus at the drop of a hat, we think that keeping our civic space separate from our religious space only improves both spaces. So let's have THAT conversation, instead of pissing all over the stupid ceremonial nonsense of a stupid nonsensical ceremony that no one would remember were it not for all the pissing. And yeah, are you down on Bush? Seriously, join the club. But while I don't want to dismiss the concerns of people who's panties twist up everytime the word "God" comes up in the pledge, we don't do "calls will be answered in the order in which they are received"--it's like, huh: tsunami, war, policy, tax plans so insane we may as well all start smoking crack, civil liberties, get rid of some real terrorists, and then all the way down the list is "work out the nagging kinks in religious freedom." It's called priority. It's called wait. And if you want to queue to move, get your head out of your ass and help us out in the real world. (Post)
  2. BREAKING NEWS! Wesley Clark did not not announce his intention to run for President in 2008. Oh, sweet jeebus, yes! Let us begin AGAIN! Someone, whip up a graphic for 2008! Let's have a slogan! (Seriously, we had "Panic in the Year Zero" and "'04 Fuck's Sake"...we're wondering what you think our '08 slogan should be. Try to stay away from "Who do we appreciate..." and all variations. As they say: not not developing! (Names and Faces)
  3. Are you the least sexual person in DC? No, my friend. You are the fourth least sexual person in DC, behind Susan Sheybani, Carl Levin, and Richard Leiby. Who's the most sexual person in DC? Ha! Christopher Henley, natch! (Total winks, baby!) (Craigslist)
  4. Today's Missed Connection dilemma: "I am a striking, 6' dirty blonde with a very nice rack. I have long, lovely cream-colored legs. I put out. I used to get MC's all the time, but lately they have dried up." What's going wrong? Maybe it's the fact that you project the odor of rancid cod! (Craigslist)
  5. If you are a male singer who wants to start a band in the DC area, I'm thinking that maybe you shouldn't cite fucking Dido as one of your influences. (Craigslist)

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