Thursday, January 20, 2005

When we practice to DCeive

DCSOB is right.

Hell, he's been having the most on-point month a blogger can have, but that is not the point.

The point is, this:

Many years ago the Promise Keepers came to town. On that day, I happened to be rehearsing in the nave of St. Marks Church at 3rd and A, SE. A gaggle of PK wives, their husbands having left them behind to go pray to God for the strength to not feast on the flesh of more desirable, pleasant looking, and less malodorous women. These ladies waddled into the nave, where I was standing with a couple of other people. Believing us to be informed parishoners, they asked us a bunch of questions, and I did my best to answer them. When they turned to go, I said: "Wait. You know, if you are looking to spend some time this evening in the area Christian community, why don't you come back here tonight? We're having our annual Saint Vitus Dance!" They perked up and one said: "Sounds like fun!" I smiled at the thought of these confused lipidbags returning in the evening, asking after a child's rheumatic disease.

See, we are a creative people, here in the Washington area. We're a damn sight better than a passel of neo-Maoists with puppets. Most of the people who are visiting have the Robert Novakian view of us, though, that we're a bunch of Marion Barry worshipping, murderous, freeloaders. Look, you can line the parade route and scream and throw things and get your kneecaps broke, or you can spend the day doing what I'd recommend: smile at our guests, welcome them to the area, and then direct them to either the most confusing parts of town or the most dangerous.

So...have fun today! And if nothing else, if anyone asks you for directions, simply reply: "Oh, I'm sorry sir, you've obviously confused me for some tri-corner hat wearing Colonial Williamsburg tour guide! Now, if you wouldn't mind, why don't you die of confusion over on that patch of snow, because we need these sidewalks free of carcass today."

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