Thursday, February 17, 2005

DCeptette: Gimme indie Botox version

  1. Okay, I'm not saying that the women who were tricked into receiving poisoned Botox injections are necessarily stupid, but when I hear "Colombian doctor" and "botox", all kinds of alarms go off. Again, I'm not saying you are stupid, ladies. I'm just sure you'll have a lot to reflect on as you look at your face in the mirror and see Edward fucking James Olmos staring back at you. (The Moonie Suzuki)
  2. Delegate Charles Carrico doesn't seem to understand one of my family's favorite documents, the Virginia Statute on Religious Freedom--my father turned me on to its enduring charms and now, I, in turn, let you in on this piece of thoroughly brillsville Jeffersonia. Carrico and ubiquitous douchebag L. Scott Lingamfelter, who actually believes it when he says that there "is now a poisoned environment for religious expression" in the US, want to make prayer a right. A right. Heh heh. Okay, you guys. If that's the way you want it. Because I got to tell you, when I pray to Jesus, I do so at the top of my motherfuckin' lungs. I also have been known, in the throes of religious ecstacy, rip a couple of powersaw farts. Yeah, thoughts of ol' JC really brew up a simmering pot of ass coffee, all right. Plus, when I really get into the praying, I like to handle voles and set things, frequently the voles, on fire. Why? Because I loves me some Jesus. And, by the way, Jesus loves my ass right back. He sent me an IM this morning letting me know that while He aint sure whether Lingamfelter and Carrico are going to heaven, I am, for sure, going straight upstairs and that I'll be rolling with His bitches in the afterlife. Yeah. I got the hook up. And by the way, I have a message to all schoolchildren in Central and Southern Virginia--if you want to learn to pray like me, send me an email and I'll teach you for free. After all, it's your right. (Post)
  3. And now, the Craigslist posting that launched a thousand pre-emptive restraining orders. (Craigslist)
  4. You know, when Why I Hate DC beats you down, you really get beat down. Definite nominee for the 2005 Ball Peen Hammer Award. (Why I Hate DC)
  5. You know, we at The DCeiver haven't had a whole lot to say about the whole Jeff Gannon fiasco. It's called: Get out of the damn way and let Choire do his job. We'd like to point out, though, the reason Helen Thomas is different from Jeff Gannon is that Thomas doesn't have to rely on subterfuge, deception and obfuscation to gain entry to the bullpen. Also, as a message to Jeff: You know what, buddy? You may have been laughable, but you were never more pathetic than when you posted that weak ass "The voice is silenced" message and then went around whining your ass off. I mean, I thought your worldview MEANT something to you! Yet you caved in like sixty seconds! Pussy. What you should have done is started your own ferocious blog, because if you had, right now, you'd be bigger than all of them. Bigger than everyone. You'd be a star. You could have easily been Sicha's Washingtonienne. But you were more turned on by the access and the perceived legitimacy than you were for your own beliefs. Sad, sad, man. And now, some trickster who is slicker's done tricked you of your liquor. (Jeff Gannon Blog)

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