Thursday, February 10, 2005

The Five Question WEST WING Study Guide (returns!)--"Wake Me Up Before You Go Go!"

OK, we totally missed the whole "Leave it all out there on the field" episode. But thank Jehovah for the previouslies, otherwise we wouldn't have made note of Bartlet totally calling Leo out on it in this "next in a continuing series of very special MS episodes." If I was Bartlet, I'd probably add, "And, dude, didn't I fire you?" Actually The DCeiver used to work for a pathetically incompetent company called PSA where it actually happened that this sad and annoying dipshit named Vince (who was originally hired because as a consultant he told the higher ups at PSA that the answer to their business problems was--DUH!--to hire him, and the higher ups at PSA--DUH!!--bought this line) was fired and then--sadly, pathetically--continued to show up at work for months afterward, and because it was clear that no one ever loved him or hugged him and that he was probably from his "mother's womb, untimely ripp'd", no one had the heart to suggest that he maybe should find something else to do than hang out with us all day. Egads. By the way, PSA has apparently spun off a new company called Diplomatic Solutions that purports to run security and protocol services for folks in the government. Now, you all know I have a love-hate-hate-love-hate relationship with people in the government, but a word to the wise, as a friend: I used to work for these people, and you can trust me on this--if you submit your safety to their tender mercies, chances are you will be killed, good and dead. And you don't want that.

Now, while I get my future lawyer Shayna on the phone to ask me what the hell do I think I'm doing, mull over these study questions, why dontcha?

  1. Dude. It was pretty cool to see Christopher Lloyd in the episode playing a hired-gun democracy philosopher helping the Belarussians get their Constitution on! But wouldn't it be awesome if Lloyd's "Reverend Jim" character actually was helping some small Eastern European country to write their Constitution? He'd be all protecting the citizens from "cruel and unusual trips" and establishing a "Separation of Seeds and Stems Act". Admit it. That would be awesome!
  2. Here's an exercise for further study. While you are at work today, borrow the affectations, mannerisms, and mode of communication used by Lord John Marbury and deploy them to talk to your co-workers and clients. Keep a diary to observe their reactions, and answer the following questions: a) How fired are you? and b) Do you need help with your resume?
  3. Okay, come clean. You kinda got choked up listening to Lloyd's "How many guys do you think it takes?" monologue, didn't you? It was sorta so best.
  4. Let's think back an episode to one we missed--the Rashomon-esque Iowa episode. What the hell was the deeper meaning behind Will Bailey's ice-cream vending machine scene? Was it a) "Oh, God. The candidate I work for is a plastic dimwit. I have wasted my life." b) "Oh God. Watching this machine struggle to give me a fricking ice-cream is highly reminiscent of ethanol, in that it's an overcomplicated answer to a simple need. If only I had seen this machine earlier!" c) "Oh God. Iowa sucks. It sucks it sucks it sucks it sucks it sucks it sucks it sucks it sucks it sucks it sucks it sucks it sucks it sucks it sucks it sucks IT SUCKS!!!" d) "Oh God. I'm John Wells and I just wasted four precious minutes of broadcast time on this scene. Somebody must stop me!"
  5. This episode dealt with the ups and downs of diplomacy, the tricky nature of dealing with reform movements in rogue nations and the need to balance the interests of nations who desire retribution and protection from nations that mean them harm. Do you think Americans even deserved a nuanced approach to ANYTHING anymore? If I were President, wouldn't I be totally justified by saying to the American people: "You know, a few centuries ago it was our ancestors fighting what many seemed to be a hopeless battle for reform and freedom on these shores. We depended on the timely assistance of nations that saw the big picture and could help us, nations that could have gained considerably in the short term by simply staying out of the way of the status quo. You'd think we could all learn a lesson from that, but since all you dimwits want me to blow the shit out this country, that's what we're going to do. But you know what? It's YOUR CALL. You can take the heat for it. You can live with the doubt. I wash my hands of all of you. Now, go drop some bombs, I'm going back to the residence to freak on some bonez, bitches." On second thought, maybe it was just an episode about shrewish Abby Bartlet wanting to put her husband to bed.

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