Tuesday, February 01, 2005

January 2005--A Month of DCeption in Retrospect

Wow. What passion you all have for The DCeiver. Many many thanks to the readers who made January 05 the best non-Wonkette month for the DCeiver since...well, since ever. You've been very good to this website, even as this family of websites has struggled to provide you with content over the month. We hope to rectify that--and finally bring our "2004 in retrospect" content over at The Diner to a close in the next 24 hours, then drop into a regular pattern that will hopefully make the whole family flourish.

At any rate. It was a pretty uncommon month for Washington, DC. If Inauguration was the injury, then these fuckstain McTardMuffins in the "Circle A Brigade" were definitely the insult added to that injury. Here's another thing that happened while I was sick this past week--these pieces of shit took to the bosom of DC indymedia to attempt to defend their decision to destroy Adams Morgan on Inauguration Night. (And, hey, DC indymedia--I know that if you fail to give a venue to these shitheels it'll cost you guys good seats at the next Common Cause meeting, but would it have killed you to presage their ramblingly stupid letter with an editorial comment that proved you guys were at least aware of the distinction between your head from your rectum, something like: "And now a message from some mouthbreathing ass-chappers..."?)

You know, the response to these so-called "anarchists" have been wittier and more complete elsewhere, most notably over at DCSOB and the Rock Creek Rambler, both of whom earn their Order of the Ball Peen Hammer Racing Stripes with their coverage of these ninnies. I could regale you with the way in which my brain literally wants to die from embarrassment each time I ask it to contemplate the stupidity to destroying Adams Morgan as if it were some uber-capitalist enclave--like the Club for Growth opened up their Fucking You Over With Globalization and Baby Seal Smoothie Stand right next to Cafe Sofia. But why bother. I'll say only this.

Circle A Brigade: The reason that reasonable people, partial in nature to the idea that those in poverty should be aided and those who suffer at the hands on inequality deserve champions, nevertheless shudder, moan, and turn their downcast eyes to the ground whenever they hear that stupid, infantile, knee-knocking fucks like you are coming to town is because you all are a singular embarrassment. You embarrass reasonable people who work for a living and who have earned the right the apply reason to society's problems because you black-clad ninnies do nothing--NOTHING--that can be taken seriously. You are lazy. You demonstrate nothing. A man looks at your great works and knows full welll that when the time comes to do REAL LABOR in the cause of something larger, you thimbledicked pansies won't be anywhere in the vicinity.

You are the quintessence of dust, insofar as your net impact on the world. Showing up and breaking shit is the easiest thing in the world to do. So those in authority laugh and mace you and arrest your anonymous asses from time to time, knowing full well that your "mass movement" is all but an "ass movement". Do you want those in authority to fear you? Try bathing. Try taking to the streets in a shirt and tie. Try bringing the residents of Adams Morgan out on the street WITH you instead of inside looking for a crowbar to smack some sense into you.

You're a bunch of jerks, Circle A Brigade. I'm glad you got maced. Sniff my liberal ass, you mewling dungpools.

Now, on to the hizzylizzies of the past month:

  • Here's a Hint interviews for the Big Yawn Internship, Chris from FMHg dubbed Morpheus, we steal something wholesale from Sacto Est Da Nu-Nu York.
  • The End of an Era That Felt Over a Long Time Ago. That's the title of the next Modest Mouse record, and it also describes the last days of WHFS.
  • Winter Vomiting Disease is finally here? Fantastic. And to thing that it actually predated the first regional snowfall!
  • John Basedow is a survivor!
  • Before the stupid stupid anarchists came to Adams Morgan, there was the great Diner Dust-up of ought-five.
  • The arrival of The Gas Man sends The DCeiver down Memory Lane, to a more innocent time where tractor driving rural psychopaths threatened our stagnant ponds with a limp impunity very few have forgotten.
  • The DCeiver joins forces with the kids over at the Department of Homeland Security to give DC the only inauguration survival guide they'll ever need.
  • FishbowlDC from MediaBistro launches...launches into the immediate sucking of ass, that is.

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