Wednesday, February 02, 2005

State of the Union.

Those of you who know me well know that I'll probably take tonight's State Of The Union address and rip it a new one in another forum sometime next week or so.

For tonight, however, I'll say only this.

I would love to be one of the two people who sit behind the president at the State of The Union address. Tonight, those people were (probably) Denny Hastert and Dick Cheney. Usually, the two people behind the President lead the applause and the standing ovations. But if I were one of the two people behind the President during the State of the Union address, that's not what I'd do.

If I were one of the two people behind the President during the State of the Union address, what I'd do is this. Once the speech was good and underway, I would reach under the desk and pull out a huge bib, which I'd tuck into my collar. Next, I'd pull out a plate, on which you would see the largest, juiciest Manwich you'd even seen. And for the rest of the speech, I'd just sit there, slowly eating my Manwich. I'd savor every succulent morsel of that Manwich, too, I'd lick the Manwich juices off my fingers, and sop up whatever Manwich remained on the plate with a piece of bun I'd have saved just for the occasion. Then, I would wipe my mouth on the bib, remove it, and wash down that tasty Manwich with a tall, delicious Root Beer Float, which I'd drink through a Crazy Straw.

I'd do this because it would be totally cool after the State of the Union if nobody was talking about the speech itself, instead, everyone would be talking about me and my Manwich and my Crazy Straw and my Root Beer Float. And if anyone asked me about it, I'd just say: "Man! That was a delicious Manwich! I bet you wished you were eating a Manwich, too."

And I think, given those circumstances, the State of our Union would be pretty fricking awesome.

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