Thursday, February 10, 2005

Virginia--A Cover Your Eyes Embarrassment

Wow. Virginia's state government has been on a real roll lately, straight downhill and headed for a swamp of total embarrassment. Last year, it seemed like Virginia was bucking national political trends--moderates in both parties were ascending, a tax plan reached through the elbow grease of compromise and a commitment to realism was going into effect, it just seemed like for the first time in a long time like the folks who run the state were deserving of some thanks.

But it's February 2005, now, and it just goes to show that if you take your eyes off the idiot chimpanzees in the Virginia legistlature--men like cro-magnon shit herder A. Scott Lingamfucknut or Algie "I'd be happy to sell my brain for a haypenny" Howell--you're going to end up looking back and wondering how your state Constitution came to be feces-bedecked.

Whether it's the rampant homophobia that I can state with authority has added no statistically measureable appeal to vaginas, far and wide, or it's the ludicrous--LOO-DEE-CRUSS!--use of the state house to compel people to wear certain types of pants, it's pretty clear that there are some Virginia lawmakers that could stand to spend an enlightening period of time getting their skulls slammed repeatedly in the door of my car. Now we have state Delegate Richard H. Black (and apparently his idiot child son-in-law) accusing some Loudoun teens of attempting to "indoctrinate" people into the homosexual lifestyle. Luckily, for their much-needed edification, everything that has ever needed to be said about the idiocy that supposes there is some sort of widespread homosexual recruitment conspiracy has been said, by me, and they can read it, right here. And I really suggest they do. I'm PRESCRIBING it, like a doctor. They need it to get well. And they need to get well in a hurry, because the last resort for dealing with people like this is to hunt them for sport.

As I remarked last night, it's gotten to the point that the state government would be more apt in eschewing writing the laws they come up with down on paper and instead just commission a cave drawing. YOU ARE DENIGRATING THE QUALITY OF MY DEGREES, SIRS. I earned them in the Virginia State School System and that school system clearly taught me a lot better than "y'all"--as we say in Charlottesville. Listen to your betters, o elected officials, and embarrass us not with your childish, piddling, bigoted, reactionary, horseshit.

And that goes double for the good men and women who are essentially standing by and doing nothing. It's up to you to stand up for your constituents, and condemn the abovementioned individuals and their imbecile peers as loudly and as constantly as possible until they wilt. Hop to it! You have been thus ordered, public servants!

At the rate it's going, how long before they try to pass a law that would ask Virginia residents to un-eat the apple from the Tree of Knowledge?

No comments: