Thursday, March 10, 2005

Translating the Played Out Gurus, an Ongoing Chronicle of the Quixotic Gogblog: The Googahs Submit to Some Maurification

To the few people who decry the DCeiver, all's I gotta say is, what up, decriers? Why the fisticuffs? The pissy tude? What's it all about, Alfie? I am all about the bee to the ello gee, bitches. Bringing. Love. Online. Guys!

See the haters think that a) my problem is that I just spew the vitriol victuals to anna fro, and b) I'll never change for no one no how. Wrong! Duh! The truth is a) you and your by-products suck a goodly portion of ass and b) if you want me to change my opinion, all you got to do is stop with the sucking. Suck not so much. Make with the not-sucking. Mush! It's THAT easy, peasy. Stop wringing your hands and giving me grief and get yourself to work!

Why bring this up? Because a shift of sorts occurred within the world of the GogBlog this week. A surprising diminishment of the sucking. Maura must have held some sort of clinic or something (though sadly, she has no posts this week) because the Gogs had what I would hold to three breakout entries, one on Round House's much buzzed columbinus that definitely mixes the informative with the writer's perspective. Only the title of the post is hack. Another, highlighting what sounds like a fun evening (it's actually nice that the Gogs include activities that actually sound like they might incorporate actual fun) of tango. It's maybe a little purply (and I usually frown upon any reference to Ethan Hawke, author of one of the five shittiest books in the English language), but it's an off-the-beaten-path kind of discovery--and it's bringing good shit like this out into the light that can boost the life of the city.

But the real hizzylizzy of the GogBlog is Fritz's post on Cafe Mozart. It's informative, devoid of hack writing, and brings this place I've never been to life. It's got the inside info you expect a blogger to bring out, and there's real heart in the post--not at all like the perfunctory posting on Adams Morgan bars of a week ago, which seemed to relish it's own pointlessness. Reading this actually drew me in, made me think about checking it out for myself--and you know what, the post is brimming with confident writing, so much so that I figure enjoying Cafe Mozart is a sure thing. The Cafe Mozart post, I daresay, approached the gold standard--something I like to call Gothamism.

It's still far from perfect, but the highs made some gains on the lows, which included:

  • The stupid, weeks late post on the Backstreet Boys 9:30 show, ripped from a DCist headline like Dick Wolf at a Lexington Avenue newsstand. Lamely calling out hipsters--so last year. One commenter gets it right on the head: "Seriously, we're very happy to learn that you think the BB stink. Why waste time discussing the point? You don't cover 1/2 of the great shows that come through the area. Why waste time panning shows that your core constituency wasn't even planning on going to?" Sadly, I seem to recall the Gogs launching their blog after basically vowing in an online chat that they would never cover half of the good rock shows in town."
  • A post on Flip Orley, which only cheeses me because, let's face it, these dudes have a ways to go before they'll earn the right to call anyone else "hackneyed."
  • The most deeply weird thing about the Gooble is they seem to think that it's necessary to post at least one think a week pandering to ultra-rich, bourgeois hosers, despite the fact that this demographic most definitely does not read a word of blogola.
  • Umm, maybe you can make some U2 related quips that a) demonstrate your knowledge of their current album and b) haven't been used a million times already?
  • And finally, do you honestly think that the Birchmere's bathroom speakers is something we should all check out? I find it hard to believe that someone read this and thought: "Dude! Thanks, Goos! I am totally going to go out this weekend and check out Birchmeres new bathroom Blaupunkts!" I mean...I thought this was going to be a place where actual, you know...going out suggestions might get made? Isn't the Sunday Source Washington's place for inconsequential trivia? (Also, nice try on the Jeff Greenfield connection, but you really should leave the Wonkette wooing to the experts.)
Nevertheless, I gotta give up the credit. This was a significant step forward for the Goos, and I'd be a lying douche not to admit it. Here's hoping that a continued effort to further stamp out the suck continues. May the Googah's succeed in stripping me of a nice weekly feature!

Oh! Shoot! I almost forgot.

You're welcome!

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