Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Weekender, Special Bracketology Edition

The Scarlet Letter is no more. We closed this weekend to three awesome, oversold houses filled with our most enthusiastic patrons yet. If you were among one of this weekend's audiences (and were not part of the massive group of emotionally disturbed children who came Thursday night with a pocketful of dread and a cubic foot of deep emotional scarring)--or any of our audiences, much much thanks. It's sad that it's over, but it was great to be as well-received as we were. There really is no reason to be afraid of Natty Hawthorne. Now James Fenimore Cooper, on the other hand--total bitch.

If you missed the Scarlet Letter, you'll have another chance to stalk the DCeiver onstage later this Spring, when I'll be appearing in the world-premiere of James Hesla's Behold!, also at Rorschach. It's very cool to have the opportunity to be in the first production of something for two reasons: first, you get to say that you "created" the role you played, an odd distinction that I nevertheless think sounds really cool when you say it out loud. Also, if the play gets published, the script is annotated with the cast and designers of the very first production in the front of the script, to serve as a record for all time of the actors that created those roles.

So, you all really should see Behold!, and then you should like it a lot, and pressure someone like Samuel French to publish it, so that our names will forever be in the book. I don't have anything but modest goals for my theatre career, but that is one of them.

Here are my modest goals for my theatre career:

1. Get my name in the front of a Samuel French script or some shit like that.
2. Avoid impregnating any more audience members than absolutely necessary.
3. Have a critic say of a performance of mine: "It was like silk pulled from a cat's ass." It can be meant as good or bad, for all I care, I just want to be able to use that blurb so bad I can taste it.
4. Play a sea captain.
5. Not die alone and unloved.

So, as you can see, I'm close to achieving one of my goals. So look at this space for word of Behold!, see it, love it, and help me strong arm its publication. I will playing Hank, the Sea Captain. Oh! That's right! I can kill two birds with this stone! Hot cha!

Rahaleh, our Hester Prynne, will soon depart for Texas, as it is her intention to take part in some kind of meditation camp for ten days. It is my intention to start a pool, determining how long she will last in the camp before she either a) goes crazy and leaves of b) gets tossed out. We are talking about a woman who sings at the top of her lungs at the gym while she's working out, someone who will scream at people for having inane conversations. Someone who told me that while the meditation camp requires you to not engage in lying in the days leading up to the camp (or killing, for that matter), she was sure that a lie told solely for her own amusement couldn't possibly count against her.

Four days. That's my guess.

And speaking of--I should tell you that there is STILL a chance for you to win a schooner sailing vessel in Tryst Coffeehouse's Schooner Giveaway Contest. Just write your name, email address and the words "schooner contest" on any piece of paper and hand it to the barista. (This is v.v. important. Hand it to the barista, not a server of bartender.) You will be notified if you have won the schooner. As always, supplies are limited, void where prohibited.

Now this weekend was about a good deal more than the play and getting very little sleep and buying the Evens CD and the 7-inch of Low's "California." It was also about setting up for my favorite time of year, the NCTwoA Men's Basketball Tournament--NOW MARYLANDLESS!! YAY!

Now, I want to dispense my own personal bracketology science on your ass, but before I do, some caveatcakes. First, yes, for the past three years, I have kicked a lot of people's ass in tournament pools. People just like you. My last three finishes? First, second, second. How do I rock so damn hard? Sigh. Hate to say it, but it goes hand in hand with UVA not being good enough to play in the postseason. See, when UVA gets in the Dance, I always take them to the Final Four. So, you can know me by the trail of busted subregionals (though I still have fond grad-school memories of sitting in the classroom before Theory seminar and guaranteeing a Virginia victory over Kansas, which dramatically occurred as predicted for reasons that were beyond the realm of the obvious at the time). Taking this prolonged break from being in the Tourney has allowed me to make significant office pool gains.

As a general rule, I always do two things before I get sit down to start picking. I identify all the teams from the Pac 10 and all the teams from the Big 10 and I put big Xs through them by the end of the opening weekend. Experience dictates: riding teams from those conferences leads to woe. Now, I know what you're thinking. Michigan State and Arizona have both won titles. Well, I got hosed pretty badly by Mateen and Mo Pete, tis true, tis true. But the last time Arizona won it all is also only the second time I've picked a Pac 10 team to win it all. So there are exceptions to the rules. I still say, the Big and Pac 10 will lead you to ruination, so get off them as soon as you can.

Now in the Chi-town bracket, Illinois, the big dog of the Big 10 is staring you straight in the face. They've been #1 for the lion's share of the season, are crazy deep and crazy skilled, and they have the whole Mojo of the Recently Deceased working for them. At the same time, they seem to be the very model of the Big Ten team to get bounced from a high seed only. I?m either very right or very wrong about this. Right now, I'm feeling very good about the prospect of them getting through--despite what I think about Big 10 teams--the MRD can be powerful stuff, and this team is 11-0 against the field. As a two seed, I'm just not too enthused about Oklahoma State--or Arizona, for that matter. If UVA beat you this year, you are not winning the title. And BC, losers of what, four of their last eight? Yuck. Illinois will win the region, but I'll be rooting against them.

In Albuquerque, everything is FUBAR. The selection committee straight up farted this bracket away in a fit of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. For starters, Washington. Gack. NOT A ONE SEED. I'd take the 2, the 3, the 4, and the 5 in this division to beat Washington 10 out of 10 times. A joke. I mean, this is a better gift than those dying kids get from the Make-A-Wish Foundation. What we should have the opportunity to see is Wake as the 1, with the prospect of Georgia Tech or Gonzaga in the regional final. George Washington got shafted in true DC-taxpayer-versus-new-baseball-stadium steez, though they have won as a 12 seed before. As the official Spawn of a GWU alumnus, I?ll be madly backing DC?s finest. But look for Wake to tangle with Georgia Tech in the final, with Wake knocking out last year's runner up.

Tomorrow, I'll hit up the Syracuse and Austin brackets. In the meantime, please send me your best arguments as to why UNC isn't winning their subregional.


Tom said...

Eh ... UNC barely scrapes past Florida in the sweet sixteen and loses to UConn?

Hell if I know. My college almost set an NCAA single season loss record last year and is in the MAAC, which is represented by Niagara. And I've picked Niagara to win at least one game. In other words, I suck at this.

Fletch said...

Roy Williams. The man can choke at any point. That being said, he has the prospect of facing Florida (*choke*), Kansas (*bigger choke*), and UConn (I want to choke them). So yeah, UNC is in the Final Four.

DCepticon said...

I was hoping to get in on this Rahaleh Bracket. I call dibs on the minute she gets off the plane.

Underused said...

I have UNC going all the way. I don't know what happened. It was like one of those choose your own adventure books: I thought I was making all the right choices, but in the end the princess was eaten by the dragon and I was killed by orcs. I didn't feel like starting over, so I just left it. I *really* suck at these.

PK said...

I don't know... to alleviate boredom and the rancid taste of watching Duke win on Sunday, I took in much of the Illinois-Wisconsin game... and I must say, Illinois looks For Real. They have five NBA-quality starters. Their forwards attacked rebounds on both ends like wild animals. And they waltzed through the conference tourney despite their best player shooting, like, 15%. My prediction is Illinois winning the NC over Duke. Or going pro and losing in the second round to the Pistons in 6 games.