Wednesday, May 18, 2005

DCeptette: Ever get the feeling that everyone's auditioning for something version

  1. Let's just start things off today by celebrating the end of law school for my future retainer, the ineffable Shayna. She ain't passed the bar, but she knows a little bit. The bar looms this summer--in the meantime, we hope she's taking a two-week tour of the bottom of cocktail glasses. If you are a classy law firm and you don't work for Evil--Kirkland and Ellis, I'm looking at you--you'd be a fool not to hire her: she is the hottness and smarttness and the sweettness and she can turn any working lunch into an occasion of high social art. Every day is Bloomsday at Davey Byrne's. So congratulations and exaltations to you, Shayna. We'll be setting up the DCeiver Legal Defense Fund this summer.
  2. While at the local convenience store the other night, I noticed that Doritos have added new language to their packaging--"Now Better Tasting!" This struck me as very awkward. Had they not previously tasted their product? I was hopeful that maybe there was some sort of apology on the back of the bag or something, but there wasn't.
  3. File Under: "I bet I'm the first person to ever think of doing this! Snerf!" (DC Metroblogs)
  4. "DC Groove Trio Spiny Norman Emerges this Friday!!!!" Hopefully, someone will be on hand to spray it with DDT. (Craigslist)
  5. I have to take a minute to laugh at Robert Steinbuch--one of Jessica Cutler's paramours whose gone torty in the membrane. I surmise, Robert, that your case boils down to: "What? You mean my sex life has inherent consquences?!" Staffer, PLEASE! In the first place, if Cutler pleasured you with a few swift paddles to the gluties, it sounds to me like relief for your claim has been granted before the fact. But, more to the point, you have to apply the standard of reasonableness to this. TO WIT: If you shag the ass of a co-worker who is also a prostitute, and allow that co-worker-slash-prostitute to spank you as well, I don't think you have a reasonable expectation of privacy where those activities are concerned. I mean: obvs! Duhcakes! Besides, Robert--aren't you a dutiful Republican? You are all about the personal responsibility, right? Against those naughty frivolous torts, aren't we? Well, then suck it up, champ. You banged her! She spanked you. You're suing, but I'd lay odds you're still reliving that fun up in your mental Sinema Paradiso, aren't you? Shit, it's not her fault when you Google yourself you come up with "Robert Steinbuch likes to dress up like a baby and have his ankles nibbled!" Actually, that's technically my fault, now, isn't it? Shayna! Please make the weird Republican kink enthusiast leave me alone! (Wonkette)

No comments: