Friday, May 20, 2005

DCeptette: Idioteque version.

  1. Congress wants a well-armed DC? Huh. Put that in the "Be Careful What You Wish For" file. After all, why beseech these assholes for statehood when it can just be taken? Member rhetoric is hilarious though--Kay Bailey Hutchison says "Many people live in the district during the week who are members of Congress and they would like to be able to protect themselves in their homes." But how is DC supposed to protect itself from Kay Bailey Hutchison? But the best is from Virginia Senator George Allen--officially the stupidest person EVER to obtain a degree from The University: "A law-abiding citizen is not going to use a gun to settle a domestic disturbance." Wha-wha-huh? Sounds like Allen's ass might be a nice place to live if his head wasn't in the way. (WJLA)
  2. You have to love the Fox Newsification of all media. Check out the first sentence of this article from WTOP, about the Anacostia River: "Some say it's a river flowing with garbage, raw sewage and tires." Some say? You know, I know Newsweek is walking the plank over unnamed sources this week, but you want to know what journalistic gimmick has done way more harm than unnamed sources? "Some say." Know what? Fuck some. Nuts to some. This is what you do, MSM, to put cuckoo-ass blog nation in it's place: Hire a fucking reporter, send him down to the Anacostia River, and ask him: "Do YOU see a motherfucking tire? Well do you? Answer the question!" And when he answers the question, give him a shiny nickel and a pat on the back. Some say that "Some say" is the new stopping just shy of simply making shit up. (WTOP)
  3. Know what my favorite thing about diplomatic immunity is? When the news describes someone who has diplomatic immunity, it's never "Sergei McAttache has diplomatic immunity...", it's always "Sergei McAttache enjoys diplomatic immunity." Diplomats always be enjoyin' that immunity shit. Always reclined on chaise lounges made from baby seals, sucking the tiny bones of children, covered in angeldust, smirking and laughing: "My, my, American reporter...I sure do enjoy this diplomatic immunity!" Then he shoots a nun in the head with a crossbow. "You really need to try this diplomatic immunity sometime!" (WJLA)
  4. Patrick Gavin, editor at Examiner, emails me some amusing op-eds about interns. Based upon what I've written about Examiner, he's a good sport, so credit him kindly. I espesh like the cicada comparison, but it goes even further--just last night I had to go outside and shoo away some interns who had burrowed out of the ground and disturbing the whole neighborhood with the noises their thighs made when rubbed together rapidly. I didn't hurt them--a just gave them directions to Mr. Days. (Examiner)
  5. Forgetting to credit DCist much? (DC Metroblogs)

1 comment:

Kevin said...

I'm reminded of the Dilbert episode where Dogbert becomes the Ambassador to Elbonia simply because he was the only one who applied for the job. While walking around the country, all he had to say was "Diplomaic Immunity," and he could get away with - well, murder. Fuckin' A, if you're not enjoying diplomatic immunity, what's wrong with you? Where do I sign up?