Monday, May 23, 2005

DCeptette: Water main in vain version.


The loneliness of the long-distance runner. Posted by Hello

  1. Hey, DC. How you livin'? Saturday morning, everyone was living with parched throats, shitters filled with unflushable waste and the prospect of no coffee, ever. For The DCeiver, plans to obtain a nutritious repast Saturday morning at The Diner came to naught as Adams Morgan was a dry well of closed up shops and Saturday morning zombies, looking for caffeination. Even the 7-11 in Columbia Heights was a mocking display of empty coffee pots. Pictured above is actor Hugh T. Owen, who'd already ran ten miles that morning. Absent coffee, he sunk into a deep slumber, thus depriving us all of his insouciant wit. I understand that there was more breakage even after the initial repairs were successful. Fox news on WTTG breathlessly intoned that "the worst may not be over"--but those melodramatic queens say that about everything. I remember once I was watching the X-Files and the Fox tease was "Sharks! Are you at risk?" Now, anyone who really can't surmise whether they are risk of shark attack at any given moment is pretty much a moron. If I'm not swimming in the ocean what's a shark gonna do to me? Swim up into my bathtub? Not Saturday they weren't. At any rate, hope everyone's showered by now. (DCist)
  2. Photographer Jenny Vee snaps a photo at what could be the elusive Borf. Espied in the act of tagging, Vee trailed her quarry for ten blocks and brings us some photographic evidence. Meanwhile, it was reported to DCeiver that early Sunday morning Borf threw a little girl in the tidal basin because he thought she would float like the flower petals he saw her tossing into the water. The girl did not drown, however, as the tidal basin had already been halfway drained by a thirsty and deranged Kay Bailey Hutchison, who arrived unkempt and brandishing a pistol to the tidal basin Saturday afternoon warning onlookers that she would shoot anyone who tried to stop her from slaking her unholy thirst. (DCist)
  3. GWU President Stephen Joel Trachtenberg tells his students "no university in America . . . has as nice a place for its graduation ceremony." Um. Ha. Wrong. More like no university near Washington Circle. (Post)
  4. McDonalds obviously attempting viral Craigslist advertisements. (Craigslist)
  5. Let's all celebrate this year's class of graduates from Patrick Henry College! Go out into this world, kids, and fight for your culture. Also, let us know how you like the welfare state, because what your professors probably didn't tell you was when we in the real world receive your resumes, it's a tough decision on what to do with them: simply throw them away, or have our cats take a shit on them first. (Loonypoon Daily)

8 comments:

The Governess said...

I grew up near Crazy-in-the-Fucking-Head College, where you can (by the way) only major in one thing: government. I'm pretty convinced the whole of Loudoun County is insane.

I also know someone who is roommates in a house full of Patrick Henry girls. Imagine the possibilities.

No really, imagine them.

cuff said...

Patrick Henry girls in a group house? They're backsliding into communitarianism. We need an intervention.

Anonymous said...

OK, I'm a little late on this but thanks for the respectcakes down there haha. I'm happy - hah screw that I'm exciting out of my mind to head off to VCU this August. Anyway, keep up the writing - I'm laughing out loud here. :-)
S.A.Jess
x_walkingby_x@yahoo.com

Anonymous said...

Granted, I'm a bit biased, but I honestly can't imagine a better commencement spot than GW's on the Ellipse...between the White House and the Washington monument on a sunny day. Come on. If you can't appreciate the beauty and downright coolness of that, I'd say you're pretty jaded/bitter. Besides, what is the president of a university supposed to say? What's wrong with taking pride in and appreciating the place you work?

The Deceiver said...

You're just jaded and bitter that you didn't graduate where I did.

I get it a lot.

catherine said...

wahoo-fucking-wah! i can say with all the authority in the world that there ain't no better place to graduate than the lawn at uva.

Anonymous said...

I don't think it matters where you graduate, I think each and every school has its merits. GW has its cool thing...why hate on that?

Jeff Deck said...

I agree, DCeiver... knocking GW's president's excitement over the Ellipse comes across as kind of petty. I think your vitriol is much better when it's directed at Patrick Henry College. That fine institution, by the way, is kind of crapping all over the name of a Revolutionary, is it not? And so is this:

http://www.patrickhenrycenter.org/awakens.html

Containing the "little known fact" that the Patrick Henry Center was behind Clinton's impeachment and gave nightly tongue rubs to Linda Tripp. No wonder they call Henry the "tongue" of the American Revolution.
Me, I'll always treasure my memories of Patrick Henry's, a restaurant near the campus of my own alma mater which shuttered its doors partway through my college career, but not before I had a chance to try their famed and delicious sandwich, "Patrick's Mother's Favorite." Oh, how equally delicious were the opportunities to pun to the poor serving girls.