Friday, July 15, 2005

DCeptette: Globalism and its douchebags version.

  1. John Tsombikos, the ubiquitous stencil artist who's Borfed our Metropolis nearly to death, deserves credit for having balls big as the swing of Tiger Woods. But as a cultural theorist, he's strictly Grade 9 bullshit. His own words reveal once again that it's better to shut your trap and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt. With a Reading Rainbow-level grasp of subversive art he probably picked up one day reading some brochure in a chaise by his backyard pool in Langley, Virginia, where, as was his wont, he spent many a day sipping a San Pellegrino and being so deliciously bored with all his possessions and priviledge, conceived a painfully naive worldview shot through with a deep and abiding Peter Pan complex and decided to inflict it upon the city, all the while thinking of himself as the next editor-in-chief of AdBusters. Not that you could get any of that from his graffiti, but I guess being articulate is all square and adult and corporate, yo! Rage against the washing machine we bought from Sharper Image! Now that he's been revealed to be so whitebread that not even Ryan Phillipe could play him in the movie of his life, it's hard to imagine he'll go down in graff gang history as anything other than a poseur gentrifying the world of outsider culture. At any rate, you gotta love his Mom. She's like Fenton's mother from Home Movies. She's really got it going on! Unless, of course, your sense of maternal standards involves actually, you know, providing some sort of fucking guidance to your kid. I believe the story of Borf tagging the Acropolis now--mommy probably put the European trip on her Amex as a graduation present. Borf: so boojy. (Post)
  2. Holy shit! New York City is apparently all out of drummers! (Craigslist)
  3. Washington Times slags Arlington County Democrats for going to Hawaii for an annual meeting. Oh, you mean just like when Tom Ridge went to "PARTY PARTY PARTY" when he was supposed to be watching my back? The article ends with mendacity posing as fact. They say: "Room rates at the five Waikiki hotels listed for convention attendees range from $179 to $295 a night." I SAY: Yeah, for you or me to attend. These attendees are getting the government rate. THEY SAY: "Some counties have reported costs of up to $10,000 to send a few of their government officials to Honolulu." I SAY: What are the names of this counties, asshole? THEY SAY: "Conference attendees also can participate in a variety of tourist activities -- ranging from cruises to luaus -- for an additional cost." I SAY: I call bullshit. You're intentionally omitting the fact that the cost is out-of-pocket. Can you prove Arlington's going to foot the bill on that? No? Then shut the fuck up. BOTTOM LINE: The conference is in Richmond next year, so it's all going to come out in the wash, isn't it? (Turdblossom Times)
  4. Somehow, I've become an uncredited content provider for Big Yawn. Well, they do need writers. (7-13-05 Odds and Ends, second item)
  5. Ernie Grunfeld, I'm sorry I doubted you. Wizards trade Kwame to LA for Caron Butler and Chucky Atkins--even though no one thought we could get Chucky Fuckin' Cheese for Kwame. The Wizards front office must have bloodstreams fulla midichlorian goodness to work this Jedi Mindfuck on Doc Buss and Coach Zen. Now you got clubhouse diseases Kobe and Kwame hooping on the same floor? Shit, that's not team chemistry, that's team oncology. I'm still gonna miss Larry, but surely this qualifies Grunfeld for a MacArthur Evil Genius Grant. (DCist, by the Information Leafblower)

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

THIS:

The Wizards front office must have bloodstreams fulla midichlorian goodness to work this Jedi Mindfuck on Doc Buss and Coach Zen. Now you got clubhouse diseases Kobe and Kwame hooping on the same floor? Shit, that's not team chemistry, that's team oncology. I'm still gonna miss Larry, but surely this qualifies Grunfeld for a MacArthur Evil Genius Grant.

is, hands down, your best writing since that whole "Sexiest People in Washington" stuff.

Tommy

cuff said...

An intelligent and concise analysis of Borf. I just wished he'd have tagged up his environment -- tyson's, pentagon city, mclean...

Still, I think the big highway sign borf was pretty amazing work just to get it done.

Miss Penny Lane said...

Congrats on being published in the Blog Log in Monday's Express paper!! (Page 29.)