Monday, July 11, 2005

DCeptette: Rich creamery butter version

  1. For years, DC animal lovers have held out hope that all the federally funded panda fucking might one day lead to the successful conception of offspring. Well, glory be! It's finally happened, as Mei Xiang gave birth this past Saturday. So far, DC Bachelor has not claimed responsibility for teaching Tian Tian the coital techniques that allowed him to slip one past Mei Xiang's considerably skilled goalie, but, we figure it's only a matter of time. (Post)
  2. Wonkette picks up the Post's odd description of the panda baby as being "about the size of a stick of butter." However, an alert DCSOB, who was visiting the zoo this past week prior to the birth, said that zoo officials were already discussing the potential panda baby in buttery terms. That means "about the size of a stick of butter" is a TALKING POINT! A delicious talking point. Perhaps it was developed, as Wonkette says, to make the pandas sound more tasty. Or maybe it's an image that will serve to ease our minds if the baby doesn't make it--a way of saying that even in its short life of melting away, Mei Xaing's offspring kept the sausage links of our animal fandom from sticking to the hot pan of expectation. All I know is that I am in the serious mood for some pancakes. (Wonkette)
  3. Oh, and by the way. Panda birth=Gothamist editor orgasming. (Gothamist)
  4. When I heard the news that Big Yawn had landed the Brian Jonestown Massacre for their next DC9 show, I admit it, I was sure that a rain of frogs or a plague of locusts was on the way. But, since none of that happened, and I otherwise haven't woken up to a throaty narrator intoning, "From the people that brought you The Ring...", what can I say? I'd be disingenuous if I didn't offer: respect.
  5. You know, Scientology isn't all about shelling out wheelbarrowsful of ducats to supply famously asexual Hollywood stars with much-needed and timely pussy cover. They've got plenty of creepy paranoia on the local level as well. (Craigslist)


Washington Cube said...

I dunno. I hear "stick of butter," and I think "Marlon Brando...Last Tango in Paris."

The Deceiver said...

Ha! My God. Fucking. Hilarious!