Thursday, August 18, 2005

I guess my soul really, really can't wait for the new Death Cab album.

Calm down, people. If you've been checking the 9:30 Club links, you know I'm not making the Announcement You're All Waiting For.

No, What we're really interested in is that the Washington Post continued it's odd obsession over iPods Wednesday on the front page of the A-Section. Not since the caveman learned that fire was all burny has a group of people found themselves hostage to the blinking lights of technology. Well, we understand what it's like when the Sunday Source takes on blogging, but we really need another human interest post on iPods about as badly as we need another "Since U Been Gone" mashup. (Though, for those of you who are interested, this week, we bring you Kelly Clarkson vs. the American Analog Set, with thanks to Bradley's Almanac.)

Well, the highlight of today's paean to the iPod is a quote from Jason Berkowitz, who melodramatically refers to Apple's $300 piece of plastic as "the window to your soul."

Wow. That's a little extreme, I think.

But, I did some checking, and it turns out that Mr. Berkowitz is actually a serial quoter who the Post seeks out everytime they need a statement on some life-changing technological advent. To wit:

"It's like a satellite transmission of the song that's in my heart."
--Berkowitz, on his cellphone, from the Post article, "Officials move to ban cell phone use in automobiles." 8/23/2003

"It's like a teeming brain that can capture my ideas like a domesticated venus fly-trap."
--Berkowitz, on his Blackberry, from the Post article, "Omnipresence of PDA's at Lauriol Plaza Beginning to Sicken Diners." 4/20/2004

"It's like the supple flesh of a lover, the way a simple touch from my hand can stimulate a reaction that's immediate, surprising, and orgasmic."
--Berkowitz, on the new touch-screen voting machines, from the Post article, "Area voters mostly chose Kerry because they felt they had to." 11/2/2004

"It's like the door to the hidden crawlspace of my innermost depravities."
--Berkowitz, on his DVD player, from the Post article, "Most consumers find DVD technology to be anything but the door to the hidden crawlspace of their innermost depravities." 3/14/2002

"It's like a safe, warm womb for my Hot Pockets."
--Berkowitz, on his microwave oven, from the Post article, "Area man unnecessarily enthralled with his fucking microwave." 5/3/1997


The Governess said...

If only Ms. Copeland thought to borrow JB to quote on the types of jeans he wears. Then the WaPo circle be complete and stuff.

Anonymous said...


Check your e-mail. The e-mail listed as contact on this site. Thanks.

The Management
a.k.a ChrisFMHg

nm said...

thanks for making me giggle, DCeiver... also, apparently Jose Antonio Vargas is now the Post's official iPod reporter.

Anonymous said...

This guy is mental.

Anonymous said...

>>If only Ms. Copeland thought to borrow JB to quote on the types of jeans he wears. Then the WaPo circle be complete and stuff.<<

"They're like a warm, supple, blue skin over the innermost orgasmic depravities of the hidden crawlspace to my naughty bits."

The Pizza Company said...

I am Jason Berkowitz and your weblog shines a light into my otherwise dark and dismal exisntance... not really, I just found it when searching my name on Google. And yes, I realize Jason Berkowitz is a fairly common name. Anyway, check out my webcomic here on the ol' blogspot.