Tuesday, August 30, 2005

New York City spends August in Acid Canyon

We'd been thinking of motoring off one weekend and spending some time in the 212. Many good reasons: it's been a while since we've seen our Man in Brooklyn, our partner in crimes Travis was flying in to teach the indie kids to pull pork again, and, as many around here know, we have something that comes to us by dint of living in DC that most New Yorkers in our tax bracket don't have: discretionary income.

Thus, it is usually true that visiting New York is this year's living in New York. But this past August, the shit in NYC started to inexplicably become bananas. It all seemed to start when a middle-aged junkie was murdered outside Teany. A terrible thing to have happen, only compounded by the inescapable sense that you just knew even this brush with brittle mortality wasn't going to successfully inspire Moby to make music that anyone wanted to listen to anymore.

Still, the bright side beckoned: one less user meant more horse for us, right? Wrong. You probably thought we defeated the opium hating Taliban, didn't you? Well, then you explain all the murder-tar masquerading as quality shit, why don't you?

Well, with no good drugs and the prospects of quality ambient techno built around ancient field recordings fading faster than Natasha Lyonne's immune system, you just know what was bound to happen: people fucking each other in places that people should never be fucking.

Which in turn, led to people who shouldn't be fucking in the first place fucking in places that even people who shouldn't be fucking in the first place shouldn't be fucking ever.

Culminating in this retina-scorching atrocity. Not even that dude from Hotel Rwanda can protect you.

Tell you what, New York. You guys are obviously going through some shit right now. Maybe you need to take some time off. Pour yourself into helping out your peeps down in New Orleans. Show Ann Coulter you're no cowards by taking her out on the Circle Line and fitting her with those cast-iron Jimmy Choos she richly deserves. We care. A lot. We'll see you in September. Get us Pillowman tickets, why don't you?

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