Thursday, September 22, 2005

Katrina 100: 013 Don't let them mess with Texas

With memories of Katrina and her aftermath still freshly imprinted on our brainpans, we see now that Rita has grown to Category 5 strength and is bearing down on the Gulf Coast of Texas. Now, many you out there may be friends and acquaintances with someone who works for FEMA, whether it's someone who might be manning a desk in the next hurricane crisis or someone who's planning on going down to Texas soon to be a part of the post-Rita relief and management effort. You saw what happened the last time FEMA had to go and do its job, and many of you may be wondering: "I don't work for FEMA, but is there anything I can do to help out and make sure that FEMA contributes to a successful effort this time around?"

Sure there is!

First, purchase a gas can, then head out to your filling station to put together a modest supply of reserve gasoline. Then, run to your local hardware store and purchase some long lengths of strong chain or a decent sized length of sturdy rope.

Then, once you've successfully lured a FEMA employee into your basement, bind him tightly with the chain or rope so that it's impossible for him to leave. If he struggles, show him the gasoline and tell him that if he doesn't shut up you'll set his ass on fire. Don't worry about having to cook an extra meal to feed the FEMA employee while he are basement-bound! Instead, withhold food and dump feces on him. See how he likes it.

By keeping as many FEMA employees the hell away from any area already struggling with Hurricane Rita, you'll be helping to ensure the citizens of the Gulf Coast that a simple natural disaster isn't compounded by the catastrophic mass ineptitude of these worthless incompetents.

Remember, only you can prevent FEMA.


jordan said...

who do we think pat robertson is going to blame this one on?

The Senator said...

Interesting twist to this story.

PK said...

I don't know... seems like you're picking the wrong bad guys here. How effective would YOU be if a) Mike Brown was your boss, b) all of the senior experienced people in your organization had quit, and c) your budget was cut below any sort of realistic level?

Oh and Jordan: Obviously, the Katrina was sent by God to get rid of the gays. Rita, on the other hand, was sent by the Devil, because it's messing with Texas. That's the only possible explanation.

DCepticon said...

You have it all wrong. Have none us been paying attention. We are fighting in Iraq and boys are dying because they are defending a country which accepts gays and has abortions on demand. Therefore all of us no matter where we live will feel God's wrath. Its in the Book of Revelations, people.

"And God did smite the nation of sodomites with a terrible storm and all people who shop at the Walmart and own guns were flooded out of their homes because they were afraid of the love that dare not speak its name and did not do enough to take them out."

I have a new translation but you get the gist.

The Cut said...

That sheeaat be funny nizzle. I think you got'er right on the $. Former President Carter the brainchild and maker of FEMA said in a conference just yesterday that his whole original mission regarding FEMA has completely changed since its inception. Basically, when FEMA began you could see their thumbs. Where as today their thumbs are firmly shoved up their asses.