Wednesday, September 28, 2005

The Pompatus of Lost: 2.02 -- A Separation Sundae

First off. Desmond: so not Aussie. Bad voice teacher! Bad! That's it. I'm pulling out the dialect tapes. Second, IMDB: not so much reliable with the guest stars. We are promised an appearance from Katey Segal--who'll no doubt have 8...or 4 or 15 or 16 or 23 or 42 simple rules with her. Also, announced on Pitchfork, The Hold Steady will be making a guest appearance. Tight.

Well, if you were wondering about the identities of "the Others", we can safely say that we know who one of them is: Akira Kurosawa. That's because a good portion of tonight's episode is actually last week's episode, recut and repurposed, Rashomon steez, so you can get a headful of what happened to Johnny Locke between the time Kate got sucked down the hatch and Jack showed up, memories of When In Rome songs in tow, to make with the saving. Anyway, Locke goes after Kate, only to find himself on the business end of Desmond's gun. Desmond makes with a huge serving of confusioncakes, and asks Locke if he is "him." Locke, knowing the answer to be at least grammatically correct, answers in the affirmative, but is undone when Desmond asks "What did one snowman say to the other." Uh, duh. Can you smell carrots? Desmond is using a joke handed out with hot lunch in grade school as his shibboleth? Well, Locke, as you know, has got no time for jokes, between all the time he spends ruminating on being Mr. Miracle Man-slash-Heart of the Lonely Boar Hunter, so he doesn't know it and it lands him in hostageland and Kate in prisonerville--but not before Locke slips Kate a knife. And don't worry--Kate's played knifey-spooney before.

Anyhoo, we come to find out that Desmond, vacillating inconsistently between the belief that the world has ended and the belief that everyone topside is sick, has been trapped inside an elaborate, Satanic, Price is Right game where he's got to enter that fateful set of cursed numbers everytime the ceiling-mounted timer ticks into the two minute warning. If he does it correctly, the showcase he wins is full of British candy bars and Repo Man style canned olives and peanut butter. He has Locke do this for him at gunpoint, and the clock resets to 108. Now pull out a piece of scratch paper kids, and start adding. See? Interesting. From there, Jack arrives for his big reveal from last week, only now we know that Kate is watching from an air duct, above.

Mostly, this episode concerns the fate of the Rainbow PUSH Oceanaire Club and Rafting Society Unlimited after they were set upon by the Stevedores of the Damned aboard Scuffy the Evil Tugboat. And, more importantly, Michael, bereft of special psychic child--who we know from last week has got "the shinning"--is given the flashback treatment. Poor Mike. It burns being broke, hurts to be heartbroken and losing your son to your babymomma and her super sexified jetsetting legal career must be a drag.

She's been calling him again, and this time, she's jetting off to Rome or some shit and she wants Michael to waive his parental rights. As his lawyer explains, Walt "will be just like any other child [he] passes on the street." Which, were it my case, would mean Walt's either a member of MS-13 or a Graham Webb hairdressing student, but I digress.

Michael takes super sexified babymomma into the thicket of legal entanglements, and we see him being deposed by the snidest lawyer from the firm of Long, Stiletto and Ribcage. Michael's lawyer obviously didn't give him that speech they give people in TV shows about how to answer the question "Do you know what time it is?" that teaches them in humbling fashion about how one behaves at a deposition. That's what happens when you fail to retain Shayna for these sorts of things.

Meanwhile, back at sea, the lone survivors of the Rainbow PUSH Oceanaire Club and Rafting Society Unlimited--Michael and Sawyer, are settling in for a long night of pussified bickering. Michael's all: you made me fire the flare! Sawyer's all: I'm pulling a bullet out my arm with my bare hands. Sawyer's hair, at the very least, seems to have grown longer and sexier and more dangerous as a result of the misadventure, so, he's got that going for him. Sawyer and Mike fight and claw and bitch some more, and just when you're finally thinking, "God, you two. Just fuck already!" Sawyer flops onto another raft. But Sawyer's got his thinking hair on, and after a fashion, coolly reckons that as Scuffy wasn't built for the high seas, the Stevedores must be close by--maybe back at the Isla de Encanta.

Back in flashback, Mike and Mommy come to an agreement. And the agreement is this: Mike's just in no shape to take on the responsibility of Walt, and furthermore, Walt would only get in the way of Mike pursuing his awesome artistic talent. From what we've seen, Mike mainly seems to work in the medium of constipation, but after much cajoling, Mike sees this line of thinking as reasonable and agrees to embrace his Blue Period. And, hey, maybe he can be in the shittier two Matrix movies! That'll show them. Mike and Walt part ways in a memorable, and touching scene, in which he asks Momma, "Does Walt like bears? Like, you know, POLAR BEARS, maybe? Polar bears he can BRING TO LIFE with his MIND, perhaps?"

Sawyer and Michael resume their night, dodging sharks, leaping to pontoons and playing the blame game as if they were the co-heads of the Federal Emergency Management Agency. The next morning, they wake up and see that the currents have led them right back to Isla de Encanta. Like we didn't see that coming.

But hey--here's something we really didn't see coming! It's Jin! He comes barreling out of the jungle, and he's got his arms tied behind his back and he's yammering in Korean, "Guys! Run! The craft services JJ has set up on this particular shoot are thoroughly subpar." Michael and Sawyer frantically untie him, asking him what's the matter. Finally Jin shouts "The others!" and all the little pissant fucks who've taken over the comments over at Why.I.Hate.DC exclaim, "Well, it's about time Kim Chee started tryin' to assimilate!"

Next week: Looks like Jin and Sawyer and Michael are going to get dusted in the dark up in Penetration Park. I hope that "the others" are actually Sleestaks!

10 comments:

Blogs t r e t c h said...

That recap is a work of art.

The Governess said...

best recap ever.

seriosuly though, i am the only person still hung up on ethan.

DCepticon said...

Shouldn't we be asking the hard questions now? Like when is the hobbit going to break open the Holy Mother and start searching the island for a spoon, a candel and a Doors album? Why was the candy bar called an Apollo bar? Won't the candy bars smoosh the first time Kate sits down? Not that I really have a problem eating candy smashed by Kate's ass but I do feel it lacks forethought.

Amy said...

Hey, thanks for the recap! I was hoping you'd make a habit of this -- especially since I missed the first 13 minutes last night and walked into a world of confusion. But I gotta ask you to do the math for me on this ker-azy number stuff -- how does it add up? -- or I'll have to go back to televisionwithoutpity...

The Deceiver said...

Hurley's cursed numbers add up to 108, which is painted on Hatch-boy's wall and is the number his diabolical Plinko machine resets to whenever he enters the Hurley numbers.

108, apparently, comes with it's own set of mindblowing ramifications. For more, see the Wikipedia's entry on LOST.

The Deceiver said...

You should still go read the crazy geniuses at TVw/oP, though.

A. L. Deviant said...

Dude, righteous recap. Desmond is clearly Scottish. Perhaps an Alan Cumming/Killer Bob of Twin Peaks hybrid on steroids? Merry of the Shire needs to get back on the smack to revive that plotline. His little blonde ma ma girlfriend to be should join him. Their heroin high will enable them to communicate with Walt and he will send the spirit animal (the polar bear) to aid them in defeating the Others.

len said...

You missed the shark's...um...tattoo. which matching the spiffy corporation logo on the scottish guy's jumpsuits and cans of food.

The Deceiver said...

I missed it indeed! And the tattoo/symbol is that of the bagua, which has to do with Taoism and the I Ching and shizz like that.

Gary said...

The gf strapped me down and made me watch last night... not that I minded the strapping down part so much. Seriously, if they don't pick up the pace on that show (and y'know start showing some new fucking scenes instead of recycling the same situation three times in an hour), I'll just read the recaps here. Nicely done.