Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Conversations in real time.

(Wife of DCeiver is on the phone with a professional colleague. She breaks off momentarily."

"Honey?"

"Yes?"

"When you were a kid, did you read any books that basically said that it was okay to masturbate?"

(Pause)

"What?"

"Did you ever read or encounter a book when you were a kid that talked about how it was okay to masturbate?"

"Shit, sweetie. When I was a kid I didn't need a book to tell me it was okay to masturbate."

"Okay."

"Unless the book, you know, was titled, You're Right: That Was Awesome."

14 comments:

DCepticon said...

Am I the only one who remembers that Beverly Cleary book that used to make the rounds around fourth grade about the young girls noticing the changes to her body. It had all of the good parts dog eared. I wonder if that still happens.

CrackerLilo said...

It was actually a Judy Blume book. "Are You There God, It's Me, Margaret."

And *that* was awesome! :-)

oudemia said...

I believe "Then Again Maybe I Won't" -- sort of the boy version of "Are You There God" -- was pro-masturbation. Or maybe just wet dreams.

LarsThorwald said...

Judy Blume's "Then Again Maybe I won't" was about a lad who watches, through binoculars, his a neighbor (a girl) undress. Then, if my recollection of literary allegories and subtexts is correct, he spanks it like it's his job. And the point of this classic tale of adolescence was, I recall, "Hey, guys? You are guys. Which means, yes, you will have what seem like unnatural urges, but it's perfectly natural. So spank it like it's your job, it's okay!" In fact, that may have been the summary blurb from the Scholastic Readers magazine we used to get in class.

Anonymous said...

Judy Blume's "Deenie" was her pro-masturbation book for girls. Deenie has scoliosis, and her diagnosis and treatment occupy much of the plot, but she also likes to "touch her special places" at night.

I don't think Margaret of "Are You There God?" actually masturbated.

In my junior high, the Judy Blume book that got past around was "Forever" which was about the joys of premarital sex. One brave soul actually did "an oral report" on "Forever," which of course involved speaking in front of the class. She asserted that "Forever" was a good book because Katharine and Michael chose to "wait for marriage," either she was really out of the loop or trying to pull something over on our marginally competent "language arts" instructor.

plastigirl said...

Actually, there a book for kids under 10 that talks about among other things, masturbation. It's called "Talking about Sex with Girls and Boys" and was written by Laura Krasny Brown and illustrated by "Arthur" creator Marc Brown. According to the book, it is okay to masturbate, but says it should be done in private, not in Kindergarten class.

Anonymous said...

masturbating is fun

Dr_Risen said...

This thread can not end without mention of the late Spalding Gray's "Sex and Death to the Age 14."

Anonymous said...

Hey I've been thinking of a new sensation
I'm picking up - good vibration
Oop - she bop

Jim said...

There's book called For Yourself by Lonnie Barbach that's just what you're looking for...

Anonymous said...

Believe it or not, my evangelical parents gave me Dr. James Dobson's "Preparing for Adolescence" (yes, THAT James Dobson!) which said that masturbation was nothing to worry about as long as it wasn't "excessive". I wonder if the good doctor's more recent editions say the same thing...

Anonymous said...

In the state of Washington, while masturbation appears to be lawful, live arousal is a felony:Rev. Code Wash. (ARCW) § 9A.44.115 (2005)

§ 9A.44.115. Voyeurism


(1) As used in this section:

(a) "Intimate areas" means any portion of a person's body or undergarments that is covered by clothing and intended to be protected from public view;

(b) "Photographs" or "films" means the making of a photograph, motion picture film, videotape, digital image, or any other recording or transmission of the image of a person;

(c) "Place where he or she would have a reasonable expectation of privacy" means:

(i) A place where a reasonable person would believe that he or she could disrobe in privacy, without being concerned that his or her undressing was being photographed or filmed by another; or

(ii) A place where one may reasonably expect to be safe from casual or hostile intrusion or surveillance;

(d) "Surveillance" means secret observation of the activities of another person for the purpose of spying upon and invading the privacy of the person;

(e) "Views" means the intentional looking upon of another person for more than a brief period of time, in other than a casual or cursory manner, with the unaided eye or with a device designed or intended to improve visual acuity.

(2) A person commits the crime of voyeurism if, for the purpose of arousing or gratifying the sexual desire of any person, he or she knowingly views, photographs, or films:

(a) Another person without that person's knowledge and consent while the person being viewed, photographed, or filmed is in a place where he or she would have a reasonable expectation of privacy; or

(b) The intimate areas of another person without that person's knowledge and consent and under circumstances where the person has a reasonable expectation of privacy, whether in a public or private place.

(3) Voyeurism is a class C felony.

(4) This section does not apply to viewing, photographing, or filming by personnel of the department of corrections or of a local jail or correctional facility for security purposes or during investigation of alleged misconduct by a person in the custody of the department of corrections or the local jail or correctional facility.

(5) If a person is convicted of a violation of this section, the court may order the destruction of any photograph, motion picture film, digital image, videotape, or any other recording of an image that was made by the person in violation of this section.

HISTORY: 2003 c 213 § 1; 1998 c 221 § 1.

Rev. Code Wash. (ARCW) § 9A.44.115

Anonymous said...

Robert Cormier's "The Chocolate War" was banned a couple of years after I read it as a Freshman in high school because it contained a reference to a bully getting caught "shaking hands with the unemployed," and chronicled the blackmail that followed. I don't know anyone who hadn't masturbated by the time they were presented with such a challenging topic.

StealthBadger said...

*wanders past, humming "Turning Japanese"*