Wednesday, November 23, 2005

DCeptette: Fun with Dick and Tai Shan Version

  1. Every once in a while, it's fun to be reminded of how little it takes to turn the conservative blogosphere into a tinfoil-clad loonypoon orgy. CNN ought to start doing this kind of thing intentionally, because when it's so easy to fuck with people, might as well pop some corn and enjoy the view. (Utter Nutter)
  2. Here's one of those tips for living a long and happy life you ought to write down and keep with you: do not fuck with Allen Iverson's posse. They got cross at Eyebar and basically laid waste to everyone within pipe-swinging distance. Hoya saxa, bitches! (The Reliable Source)
  3. Oh, the sad and sorry tale of the Washington Nationals. It took DC's leaders until, like, yesterday, to notice the striations and ligature marks that have adorned their anal cavities from the first day they decided to give MLB carte blanche to their backsides. Oh, I do so hate to say I told you so--oh, I don't! Hee. But look, I'm in good holiday spirits, so I'm going to provide the solution to all this. First: build the stadium, but abandon all the fancy plans for it. Scrap the architectural marvel and think in bare, utilitarian terms. If you're gonna float a bond, keep the cost under the budget for once in your lives. For starters, we are talking about the mere Washington Nationals, here, so it's totally safe to take the seating figure you have in the plans and shave a nice clean 10,000 seats right off the top. Hey! That puppy will at least look like it's close to full when the nice people at home see the game on TV! Second--and this is most important--you folks who make decisions in the city made a crucial tactical error when you entered into this little dance with the MLB: you allowed yourself to be infected by the same sweaty, dry-heave inducing desperation of all those area baseball fans who can't live their lives without a baseball team in Washington. Going forward, you have to stop thinking of yourselves as good guys who want to make area baseball fans happy--instead, take a page from those that schooled you and adopt Major League Baseball's monopolist, predatory footing as your own. You may be left cramped and bowlegged by Bud Selig, but you've got probably 10,000 fans in the area that are just as scared they'll have no team to support today as they had last year. You have those people right where you want them--so exploit them. Let's start with the issue of the parking lot, just as an example. You ought to have a sizable parking lot, but make it city-owned and the prices to park in that lot should be marked up as high as you can get them. The ideal threshold is one dollar below the level that people just give up their season tickets. Force those that want to drive to the game to park in your lot--fifteen blocks out in every direction, enforce residential permit only on game days in the residential areas and two-hour parking in the commercial districts, busting scofflaws with full force--or take Metro. Since a great many people commuting to the game live outside the District, guess what? I just invented your commuter tax. For these baseball fans, having a team in the District has been a life or death thing--so from an economic standpoint, your position should be to keep them alive as expensively as possible. Get into this predatory mindset now, ladies and gentlemen, these opportunities do not come around that often. Once you start down the path, you'll come up with any number of great ideas to separate Nationals fans from their coin. Let yourselves go! (Washington Post)
  4. When it comes to proffering sexual favors for panda tickets, ladies, follow one simple rule: verify up front that you're gonna walk out of there with your Butterstick before you start churning his. (Wonkette)
  5. And you answer your question, Stretch, what else? "Common People" by Pulp. (Blogs t r e t c h)


RavenT said...

It sucks that MLB is treating the city and the team this way, but it can't be said that Washington didn't take to its Nationals. With an offensively challenged, .500 team in an old stadium with none of the amenities fans have come to expect, the Nats brought in 2.7 million fans, good for eleventh in the league and an average of 33,651. And you'd have to be blind to miss the Nats gear on the Metro, in bars, at Skins games, everywhere you look. It won't be 10,000 crazy baseball fans that miss the team if it leaves; it will be the city.

DC1974 said...

The MLB is acting like spoiled children, but that's no reason to build a fourth rate stadium. Bad stadiums do not draw crowds. (We can ignore the first year of the Nats in DC as there was a novelty factor.) Look at the Oakland A's. Fantastic team. Empty stadium. Even $1 nights (with tickets and hot dogs and drinks all for a dollar) doesn't really fill the place. The stadium sucks, it's convenient as hell -- right off a freeway and with it's own BART station, but it's cold and unfriendly. Across the bay, the Giants aren't a particularly interesting team (although, I may be partial) and that beautiful stadium, on the water and surrounded by condos and restaurants is always full. Tickets are unbelievably expensive. I'd say the difference is in the stadium.
I do think that we can play a little bit rougher with MLB, though, even if that scares the Nats off. I don't doubt another team would want to come in here. Or, they might just be trying to play chicken with us. We may just have to out lawyer them.
(As I have said at DCist comments, I'm not opposed to them using the RFK site to build a mixed use stadium and city w/in a city. But the quality of the facility shouldn't be compromised.)