Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Ward 3? More like psycho ward: Jonathan Rees brings the crazy.

DCist files a lengthy story about the race in Ward 3, where Kathy Patterson is leaving a vaccuum. A lot of ink has been spilled over Sam Brooks, who many locals are creaming themselves over because he's so obviously styled himself after Adrian Fenty (minus perhaps Fenty's ability to make the twenty meter radius around any television camera a certified zone of death--but, hey...Brooks is new at this and young yet, so give him time) but is really best known as a guy who got his ass handed to him when he ran for an at-large seat. However, it wasn't until today that I ever heard of Jonathan Rees. Now, I'm facing the reality that there may, in fact, be a dumber man in the Washington area than John Yuda. This is like Saul on the road to Damascus, people. Scales falling.

Rees has injected something into the ward three race that I've long felt was needed: frighteningly unhinged sociopathy. God bless him.

Let me put it this way: this guy really hates Sam Brooks. I mean...wow. Wow. His basic plan for Ward 3 is hating Sam Brooks. Under Rees leadership, Ward 3 would become the world destination for Sam Brooks hatred. I imagine there will be top-notch institutes and think tanks founded to further study and advancement of Sam Brooks hatred. It's a unique vision--that the next generation of Ward 3's children will live in a world where the hatred of Sam Brooks will be efficient and cutting edge. I'm not sure that the city will derive a lot of economic benefit from this platform, but then again, a week ago, I was plugging Butterstick t-shirts on Wonkette, so what do I know?

What's Rees like as a candidate? Well, he brags about tapping the resource of Craigslist to serve his political ends, which, to my mind, scores a perfect 10 on the Unintentional Hilarity Index. Congratulating yourself thusly, "I think I may have started a trend by going to the personals section to get the word out," is strikingly similar to celebrating your pioneering culinary foray of making omelets with pigeon shit. On his website, he states that when he got here "the population [of DC] was 780,000 people" and that since then it's dropped by 220,000 people. While we're tossing out theories, let me just say that I wouldn't be surprised that a couple hundred thousand Washingtonians picked up and left just because they found Rees to be an insufferable jackass. (I'll take the credit for alienating the other 20K.)

The larger issue, of course, is how the massive online anti-Brooks campaign got started and by who. A great deal of the skanky Craigslist postings and some anti-Brooks website seem to smell like Rees. As DCist reports, though--and, interestingly enough--not all of it does. Indeed, the attacks against Brooks predate Rees entree into local politics.

What do I think? I am glad that I asked. Rees explanation for the online attacks, which paint Brooks as racist and homophobic among other things, is that Brooks himself orchestrated these attacks on his person to gin up interest in his own campaign. This theory is, to say the least, utterly fucking batshit crazy--more the provenance of the asinine backstabbery of the idiotic fuckwits that comprise the local social blogging scene (and yet somehow, admittedly, about 3000% more interesting). If that truly was Brooks' approach to campaigning, it's an unprecedented one--though, if true, Brooks needs to get his head examined.

But the thing I can't get past with this Rees character is that his tone and his rhetoric are instantly recognizable as the trappings of the average unbalanced cyberstalker--the kind who posts multiple anonymous yet contradictory comments on blogs, riddles his text with multiple mispellings (my favorite of Rees' being his assertion that Brooks has "an aurora of arrogance", which, if true, I'd like to know where I can get one, because that sounds AWESOME), seeks to achieve high-melodrama with capital letters and a tone overheated to Chernobyl proportions, and who fills up a forum like Craigslist with endless postings because of a pathological need to see his own text printed somewhere.

Anyway, you can probably expect to see Rees get his ass handed to him in the Ward 3 election, which will at least mean he and Brooks will have something in common. In short, Rees' is a dickhead, and a thuddingly stupid one at that. But you know what? I gotta admit that the guy is interesting.

But seriously, if you see him coming down the street, cross to the other side or something. The guy is cuckoo.

9 comments:

KCinDC said...

DCDL covered the mess in this post, which was a source for the DCist article. Craig Newmark himself showed up to make a comment complaining about Rees's spam (and yes it was the real Craig, as I confirmed by e-mail).

whiskypants said...

"aurora of arrogance" - this makes my day!

DC1974 said...

Aurora, New York or Aurora, Illinois? Either way probably not something you want.

Jonathan R. Rees said...

DCeiver...I just loved your commentary on me. It sounds so New Yorkish in style but I am convinced that your left nut is bigger than your right which reflects your often unbalanced reporting but that is your trade mark as Asshole of the Year 2004.

If you really want to hear how fucked up it can get, why not affird me an interview.

Jonathan R. Rees

Anonymous said...

Rees has become the laughing stock of the District of Columbia. Why he's willing to be ridiculed is beyond me.

Anonymous said...

Lunatic, mean, not-very-bright, poor communicator, obsessive AND vulgar? Heck yeah! Where do we, the voting public, sign up?

Anonymous said...

And then there was this

Anonymous said...

And then there was this:

http://www.dcmessageboards.com/index.php?showtopic=7539

Jonathan R. Rees said...

You guys elected George Bush, Arnie so why not me?