Thursday, December 22, 2005

Bush's Water Carriers Expel a Spray of Pure Bullshit

Agh. Jackassery, thy name are these asinine attempts to justify the President's extrajudicial right to spy on whoever he pleases.

In the first place, the unlawful powers the President have seen fit to confer upon himslf are entirely superfluous. Of course, we'll get old and decrepit waiting for a simple news report expressly detailing this undeniable fact. The FISA courts already grant our intelligence-gathering organizations wide latitude to conduct whatever wiretapping they see fit. And those organizations have successfully used the FISA courts. What's the tally since 9/11? Five cases in which no warrant was granted? Clearly, no one has had any significant problem availing themselves of the legal avenues to conduct wiretap montoring. And the argument that sometimes there's no time to seek a warrant is absolute horse manure as well. Even if these judges weren't available at a moment's notice to review application, which they are, the law allows a wiretap to be initiated right this very second, no questions asked, and run for 72 hours before anyone is required to seek a warrant (and even if, say, every possible bureaucrat is stuck in quicksand and unable to run a warrant by the FISA judges, anyone who knows the law will tell you that courts are free and clear to ignore deadlines if circumstances warrant it.

Based upon the current law of the land, the only reason the President has for spying on anyone without FISA's say so is if he wants to spy on someone he knows damn well FISA will shoot down. And their shoot-down rate is such a statistical rarity that you have to wonder, who the fuck does the President need to spy on so badly?

And why is he so hopping crazy-ass mad over the Patriot Act filibuster if he's of the mind to simply confer these extralegal powers upon himself? His apologists keep saying: "We haven't been attacked since 9-11! That's extraordinary!" No it isn't! The absence of terrorist attacks on the nation's soil is actually quite fucking ordinary. It's a fucking commonplace, everyday event. It's nothing to write home about. Don't get me wrong, everyone who had a hand in 9/11 most certainly needs to get wiped clean off the face of the fucking Earth. But let's not kid ourselves that we're only holding on by a thread. Terrorist plots aren't foiled by the extraordinary measures of President Bush--they're foiled by the hard work of ordinary Americans. I'll never forget that portion of that rank idiot Condoleezza Rice's testimony where she intimated that the "Millenium Plot" was only foiled by dumb luck. It wasn't! It was foiled by a customs agent that did precisely the job they were paid to do. This administration has such venal contempt for ordinary Americans (like, say, Colleen Rowley) that it's no wonder they want to spy on them with impunity!

Finally, I'm hearing a lot of noise out of the wingnut commentariat that "desperate times call for desperate measures." Well, I couldn't agree more! But within hours of the fall of the World Trade Center, President Bush was sounding the clarion call for us all to go shopping! Take a vacation! Keep maxing out those credit cards! These directives are not what any sane person would call the hallmark of "desperate times." We're in terrible danger! Please proceed as if everything was totally fine! If you want to take some desperate measures, let's start with nationwide rationing. Let's start with mandatory conscription. Let's start with nationalizing industry to support the war effort. Let's start with green stamps. Let's start with putting every ablebodied motherfucker to work in the war effort. Let's say, "Yeah, you're as gay as the day is long, but you know what, we're going to look past our stupid prejudices because you can translate Farsi and we need you in these desperate times." In short, desperate times call for massive sacrifices. President Bush wants to tap phones under the auspices of "desperate times?" Fine. But he's got to go the whole nine. He doesn't get to have it both ways. Until he gives the order, "Holy shit! Why the hell are you all out shopping? We're at war!", then he doesn't get to claim these times are anywhere NEAR desperate.

Besides, we all know that if we were talking about a Democratic President, the whole country could be ablaze in a rain of Islamofascist hellfire and these right-wing fools would nevertheless be calling for the President's ass in a sling, tout-suite. They raised holy hell when Clinton bombed a Sudanese pharmaceutical company in 1998 on pretext that looked iffy giving the timing being so tied in to the Lewinsky goings-on, but if the shoe were on Bush's foot the bombing would be hailed as vital. Personally, if the loss of that pharmaceutical factory in any way negatively impacted even a single Janjaweed genocidaire, then I'm prepared to give the action a big, sloppy kiss and a chorus of "America, Fuck Yeah!" right now.

These excuse are pure horseshit and these asshats need to get strung up.


PK said...

Whoa. DCeiver. Sounds like punching the Wonkette clock has raised your political hackles a little bit...

Also, in the future, please return to your practice of referring to the president as "Commander Cuckoo Bananas". That shit is hilarious.

Abe said...

tqYa done good here.

Butterstick said...

I keep imagining how pissed off the FISA judges must be. I mean, there they were, rubber stamping pretty much every request they had stuck in front of them, essentially serving up their asses to the intelligence community at large, and then despite their best efforts at being good little suck-up bitches, the President still goes and pulls some Orwellian shit without including them in the fun.

That's got to hurt.

Chris said...

actually, the bombing of the Sudanese Pharm plant caused innumerable damage to the people who could least afford it. The poor and forgotten of Africa, who were depending upon the drugs to combat diseases that are forgotten here in the States. Don't trivialize the damage or death it caused, by saying you don't care because 1 or 2 Fundy's may have received a scratch. I'm not lumping it on Clinton, nor am I a Bush supporter (about as far as you can get from one), but US policy has been evil for many, many years. The face in the White House is just that, a face. The machinery keeps on chugging along. We deceive ourselves thinking it's anything different. Until we kick all crooks out of DC, both Dems and Repubs, and elect a truly progressive representative, it will be business as usual. The true possibilities of this world will never be realized until massive change is instituted.