Wednesday, January 18, 2006

The 24gasm: 7:00am.

  1. I am so pissed off at Fox Sports right now for needlessly delaying the beginning of the show telling us things we already know about the NFL playoffs and have a whole week otherwise to discuss. Effing start the show! My gratification has been delayed long enough!
  2. Last year, the writers of 24 delighted the blogosphere by dropping in that famous McClennan-Forster reference, paying some homage to indie rock titans The Go-Betweens. We're hoping that this trend continues, and if I could submit a suggestion for their approval, why not show some love to the awesome Dream Syndicate, whose Days of Wine and Roses is a must-own.
  3. Wife of DCeiver and I enjoy our favorite pre-24 ritual, which is slapping high-five at the network's warning of the coming graphic violence.
  4. The screen flashes "18 Months Earlier" and we're immediately catapulted into a stunning area of cosmic uncertainty--surely they aren't going to fuck with the real-time continuity right off the bat? Luckily, what follows are just fancy-shmance previouslies.
  5. So, we're getting started at 7 in the a.m. Man, this shit just shames me. So not a morning person am I. Unless there is a critical role to be played by someone who sleeps through their second alarm and has to run to the bus stop wearing what they slept in the night before, things don't look good for me as far as saving the world from terrorists goes.
  6. Jack Bauer starts the show pretending to be a day-laborer named Frank, which is a total eff you to the Minuteman Project, currently harrassing day-laborers looking for an honest day's pay in Herndon, Virginia. Go back to your homes, Minutemen, get real jobs and start contributing to the economy. And leave those guys alone: you never know if the guy looking for construction work is a patriotic protector of America gone into hiding.
  7. I should point out that one of the things that makes 24 so ineffably cool is that the most ineffably cool motherfucker I ever met in my life, Mark Rabinowitz, works on the show in some sort of second second assistant director capacity. And Mark, by the way? From The University, natch.
  8. Hotcha! President Palmer gets shot and killed lickety-split. I'm reeling. I feel bad that I never bought his car insurance. Still, all I can say is: Joel Surnow, You Magnificent Bastard! That will now be abbreviated as JSYMB for all forthcoming utterances.
  9. President Logan hears the acronym "CTU" and you can practically see his face shudder as his sphincter slams shut out of fear.
  10. A while back, in The Believer, Mary Lynn Rajskub insisted up and down that, despite the way she's depicted on 24, she's actually a total hottie. You may not like what she's selling, but, you know what? I'm buying. Hot Chloe in 2006, y'all.
  11. Speaking of hotties, we get our first look at Reiko Aylesworth and we enjoy that color on her v.v. much. We get some Dessler-Almeida banter over the "Rick Rosen presentation" and we're thinking, "Oh, boy, this Rick Rosen thingy is going to be that tedious distraction that runs through the plot of every 24, like the Kim running off with the abused child or the CTU director's daughter ODing on Haldol." But we only have a few seconds to think, and then KA-BLAM! JSYMB!
  12. Clearly though, Tony should have been the one to die. After all, he's the only motherfucker on this show who's still rocking the soulpatch.
  13. Jack urges Hot Chloe to go dark. But once you go dark, you never go back.
  14. I like how Jack's "gearing up to save the world routine" involves putting on his shades. Watch out for Keifer Sutherland and his Sunglasses of Action!
  15. Kim Raver as Audrey Raines walks into CTU HQ as the piano plaintively plays Theme From the Most Ballsuckingly Awful Place in My Memory.
  16. So, Martha Logan is crazy, but we know she's not full on batshit crazy because at no time does she espouse viewpoints that dovetail with those ivory-tower dipshits at the American Enterprise Institute.
  17. They take Tony Almeida to the CTU hospital for an emergency soul-patch graft. Does anyone survive when they're placed in CTU's medical care?
  18. I like how Bill Buchanan asks the CTU doctor for "real-time updates" of Tony's situation, as if standard CTU medical procedure was to provide updates on parchment painstakingly enscribed with calligraphy or something.
  19. Chloe cuts herself crawling through the chainlink fence. Because the director takes the time to show us this, we figure that at some point, Chloe's failure to update her tetanus is going to play a critical role.
  20. Jesus, someone really needs to tell Derek that the grunge look is totally over. His haircut is almost as bad as the Season 3 Cuthbert helmet. You think Elisha Cuthbert's career came to a thudding halt just-cuz?
  21. Jack sends Derek and Chloe off to hide, and we're treated to the first instance of the phenomena that the DCeiver household calls "Kiefer the Efficient Killing Machine."
  22. Why are there always crappy places to hide in 24?
  23. Damn. Chloe's only fired a weapon twice on this show and she's actually running a better kill rate than Jack!
  24. By the way, his character was nameless but this episode featured an appearance by Geraint Wyn Davies, repping Swansea UK and this season's first deployment of a Helen Hayes award winning actor. Rock on, House of Kahn.


nm said...

I have to admit that I bought Allstate homeowner's insurance mostly because of President Palmer being their spokesman...

Chrisafer said...

Chloe did all right for herself with Spenser. Of course this means he's a mole. Oh, poor Edgar.

Grady said...

Nothing is worse than the season 3 Cuthbert hair. She's back in three weeks, career officially stalled.

DM said...

this sucked. stick to "lost." but thanks for the MLR pic.

DC1974 said...

I think I know Mark. I'm pretty sure that I was in First Year Players with him. I certainly remember that name.