Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Well, buses do use an awful lot of oil...

This item from Pardon The Interruption tonight is, as the philosophers say: "fucking priceless."

Today, Pittsburgh Steeler running back Jerome Bettis was offered the Key To The City from Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick. It was the first time in 26 years that a single individual was offered the key to Detroit. Who, you might ask, was the last person to be given the Key To the City of Detroit?

Saddam Hussein!

Damn! How you like that? Soon after he became the President of Iraq, Hussein was given the key by Father Jacob Yasso of the Sacred Heart Chaldean Church, after Hussein donated monies to pay off his church's massive debt. Here's what's awesomely hilarious: Hussein was, at that time, made a honorary citizen of Detroit. Paging Ramsey Clark! If I were you, I'd sue for a change of venue and take my chances with a jury from D-Town.

Of course, this raises a ton of questions. Was Devil's Night the inspiration for setting the oil fields ablaze? Did he offer his opinion on CAFE standards? And was his descent into despotism started due to being exposed to Dynamite Hack Mitch Albom?

One question we can answer: What the hell was Saddam Hussein doing in the United States? Oh, you silly, stupid American! Saddam and the United States used to be bestest friends forever and for life, and, like most BFF's we totally sold him some absotively fetch weapons and trained him up on how to gas Kurds!

He's the same boy we've always known--well I guess you haven't grown.


The Cut said...

It shouldn't be a surprise. There was already talk about the concentrated Iraqi population in the Michigan, namely Detroit region when we invaded Iraq. The sad thing is that nobody got the key to the city until today. For returning home to play in a sporting event. Whoopdefreakindooo!

nibus said...

Mmmmm, wondered who was stealing my bandwidth! It's Ronald Dumbsfeld!