Monday, February 20, 2006

The 24gasm: 2:00-3:00pm

  1. Agent Samwise returns from getting mugged to find everything in a total shambles. He looks pissed. He's used to having better support. "In my last job, the people around me didn't stop working just because I was getting attacked by a giant spider! They tended to business, raising armies of the dead, defending citadels, working overtime to try to instill some good sense into Treebeard--that's almost as hard as talking to John Kerry, you know!"
  2. I'd so love to hear Joel Surnow's take on the whole FISA thing. He clearly has contempt for the whole unitary executive idea. If anything, his CTUers have a healthy lack of respect for bureaucratic authority, while at the same time, they seem to worship at the altar of the rule of law. And, while they are great at torturing people, they don't seem to particularly enjoy it, like Alberto Gonzalez, who is dead inside.
  3. Another thing I like about CTU is that they don't talk to each other as if they were utter fucking morons. Over at CSI, that's a different story. Every conversation goes like this: "Hey. What are you doing?" I'm analysing fingerprints for like the 954,678th time, asshole? How many more times are you going to ask? If the characters on CSI didn't have so much fucking exposition to get through, each episode would be only 12 minutes long.
  4. Jesus! Are the terrorists still hanging out at that garage? I thought everyone had just gone on a lunch break!
  5. I still don't get this Evelyn character. In this episode, she finally manages to perform a task competently--fetching a glass of water--and suddenly she thinks it buys her the right to start asserting her opinions. Whereas Washingtonians know that most political staffers assert their stupid opinions long before they have demonstrated a shred of usefulness. The truth is, most people on Capitol Hill go their entire life without ever earning the sperm their daddy gave them.
  6. Evelyn insists that she cannot believe that Walt could possibly have been evil, which is bizarre considering he only ever interacted with her through a thinly veiled sheen of maliciousness.
  7. "Showtime!" And thus, we have a shout out to the future home of Arrested Development.
  8. Audrey insists that measures be taken to save Jack's life after he's forced to come with the terrorists. This is why Audrey cannot ever really be with Jack. She just doesn't understand him. He'll always want to have his life in danger. God, it's like she doesn't even know him.
  9. Olympics diversion 1. What is up with these awful snowboard uniforms for the American team? In a milieu that celebrates the muscular form of hot athletes, it bothers me. Here I am crushing on Lindsay Jacobellis--or at least I was until it was revealed that she's as dumb as a box of golf tees--and she's dressed up like a garbageman! Sorry: anyone who thinks this sport is going to take over the Olympics is huffing something toxic. Though, maybe one needs to huff something toxic to be a snowboarder. I don't know.
  10. The bad guys decide to release the nerve gas as the Sunrise Hills Mall. I know, I know, not the Sunrise Hills Mall! It's got, like, a Topkapi and shit.
  11. As the terror goons get out of the van, it occurs to me, "Gosh, I hope they remember where they parked." Always look up at the signs and remember the storefronts in the area, people.
  12. I love the shot of the single balloon escaping the child's hand and fluttering upward. Holy French cinema! It was a TOTAL SHOUT OUT to my deepening sense of existential loss, Joel Surnow, tu es un bastard magnifique!
  13. Here's what I don't understand: wouldn't you be fazed if you were at work and a bunch of people looking like club rejects and sporting Russian accents showed up to fix the air conditioning?
  14. Shorter Audrey Raines: "Bleaaah! Think of the children!!" God I hate her.
  15. President Logan gripes to CTU: "You are putting me in a terrible position!" Meanwhile, in the real world, Henry Whittington apologizes to the nation for getting shot by Dick Cheney.
  16. More furtive psychological dodging from President Logan: "The terrorists are forcing our hand." Aggressive-passive to the end. This guy has got more whine than all of Napa Valley.
  17. I yell at the TV: "Move in with masks! Move in with masks!" Agent Curtis forgets that the bad guys have nerve gas.
  18. Olympics diversion 2. Want to know what more than makes up for the dumpily dressed American women's snowboard team? The Austrian women's curling team. This will be the last time you ever diss curling.
  19. The nerve gas thankfully, gets released in the food court, where it will likely go unnoticed.
  20. If you are keeping score at home, everytime Jack saves a child, that's as many points as every time he kills ten people.
  21. Unless one of those ten people is Ellen Pompeo of Grey's Anatomy. Her voice-over narration makes me want to claw my face off.
  22. Walt Cummings: his life, his wife, Martha Logan equivocating, okay. I hope this storythread is over.
  23. The terrorist dude kills himself (back at Garage of the Epic Lunchbreaks, naturally), and Jack starts freaking out because he's left with nothing and no leads. Jesus, Jack: chill. You find yourself in this position four times every series. Just cool out and watch for Chloe to pull some deus ex machina off of her screen.
  24. Well, the next episode features the return of Kim. Let's all hope for a good hairstyle. I caught an old episode on A&E last night (the one with Kevin Dillon shacked up in the wilderness), and I can only hope that whoever was in charge of prepping Cuthbert's nipples is back on the job. There's no award for people who do that stuff on set (despite working so closely with golden globes, ironically), but it's the little things we admire.


Crumbling Castle Fun Fun said...

sometimes I feel as if I should watch 24 just so I have something to read here. "Oh! New post! wait...I dont watch that show. Or LOST. Now I'm the kid who wears yellow-dyed jeans..."

A. L. Deviant said...

I am in the same boat. I wish you loved LOST as much as you love 24.

Ricky said...

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