One: "Last time I was down South I walked into this restaurant and this white waitress came up to me and said, 'We don't serve colored people here.' I said, 'That's all right. I don't eat colored people. Bring me a whole fried chicken.' Then these three white boys came up to me and said, 'Boy, we're givin' you fair warnin'. Anything you do to that chicken, we're gonna do to you.' So I put down my knife and fork, I picked up that chicken and I kissed it. Then I said, 'Line up, Boys!'"
Two: "Life insurance is another example. Probably not another group of people on the face of this earth spend more money on life insurance than we do in the United States. Did you ever stop and think that you have to be slightly stupid to buy life insurance? But just analyze this. You're betting the insurance company people that you're going to die. And they're betting you that you are going to live. And you're hoping they win. And they charge you." --Dick Gregory
At the 9:30 club tonight. With Chris Paul and Paul Mooney. 10pm tickets are still available. Go get some.