Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Death Cab For Cheney

What was originally billed as a cakewalk recovery for Austin-based lawyer Harry Whittington has become a cardiac quagmire today as a shotgun pellet got all migratory-minded and moved into Whittington's heart, causing a mild heart attack.

Right now, Whittington's health has restabilized, and doctors have no plans to surgically resect the shrapnel. When asked if the long term prognosis for Whittington includes the possibility of a fatal heart attack is the pellet is left in, doctors at Christus Spohn Hospital Corpus Christi-Memorial said "that was a hypothetical question they could not answer." The response was a stark contrast to the medical opinion of doctors at the American Enterprise Institute, who assured reporters that the stray bullet would touch off a transcendant infection of democracy throughout Whittington's vital organs.

We certainly wish Whittington a full and complete recovery. You are so getting a sweet-ass ambassadorship for your troubles, sir, but the food and the music is better in Austin.

What's going to happen to Cheney--that rough and tumble sportsman who shoots birds bred for hapless retardation from the front seat of a car? Well, as you know, Bush has a traditional means of dealing with people in his administration who make these kinds of mistakes. So, congratulations in advance on your Presidential Medal of Freedom, Mr. Vice President!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

When I first heard that Cheney had shot someone by accident, I was hoping it was Bush.

PK said...

I have to say, there's something just magical about the phrase "mild heart attack".