Greetings, scallywags. Tonight, we sat down with the loveable Ward 3 candidate Jonathan Rees over email to have a little interview action. We were very thrilled to have the opportunity to have one of the first on-the-record interviews with the man...nay, the legend.
Rees, whose merciless attacks on presumptive Ward 3 favorite Sam Brooks are matched only by his relentless self-promotion on every piece of free online media within reach, has entertained DCist's readers for the better part of the past year. But he's a difficult man to pin down. Luckily, I remembered something I read a long time ago in The Wave Magazine, and had another one of my brilliant ideas:
Administer the Voight-Kampff test.
While it was impossible to ascertain certain important data, such as pupil dilation and heart-rate changes, I think the answers Rees gave to the questions speak for themselves. I called in a noted expert, David Robson, to assist in the evaluation.
The DCeiver: It's your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet. How do you react?
REES: I always liked things like leather or skin whether a wallet or vest.
The DCeiver: You've got a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar. What do you do?
REES: Since I am not a fan of butterfly collections, I might be inclined to encourage him to begin collecting things like coins, stamps or marbles.
The DCeiver: You're watching television. Suddenly you realize there's a wasp crawling on your arm.
REES: I would extend my arm and wait for it to fly off as I have been in that position twice in my life and was never stung.
The DCeiver: You're in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, Jonathan, it's crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on its back, Jonathan. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can't, not without your help. But you're not helping. Why is that, Jonathan?
REES: I am not helping because I want it to do more on its own to turn itself over.
The DCeiver: Describe in single words, only the good things that come into your mind. About your mother.
REES: The fact that she took the time to not only raise me but taught me to respect all no matter what their lot in life was and never ask for anything back.
DCeiver: Well, what's your verdict after reading the interview.
DCeiver: I had a feeling! He definitely puts the "batty" in Roy Batty. So, what model are we talking here?
Robson: Definitely from the later series.
DCeiver: Series 8?
Robson: 8a, i think.
DCeiver: Personally, I think namechecking Collective Soul on your campaign literature is the surest indicator of Replicance I can think of.
Robson: On Question 1, his answer is an attempt at programming basic understanding of skin and sensuality, expressed awkwardly here.
DCeiver: Right away I'm struck by the disassociation that trends throughout his answers. It's very clear that major firewalls have been built up to prevent this subject from attaining self-awareness.
Robson: On question five, his inability to follow basic procedures that is so profound it had to be programmed - you'd think that his love for his "mother" might have overwhelmed his basic reasoning and ability to follow instructions were it not so clinically expressed. And I believe his answers to q#s2-4 are verbatim transcriptions of Nexus' basic directives.
DCeiver: Question 3 elicits what's damn close to an empathetic answer. I think though, that it's belied by the fact that the answer self-references. It's almost as if the response couldn't be offered outside of the scientific method the subject has undergone. His action--to spare the wasp--is different from say, a Series 6 replicant, but at the same time, he makes it clear that his response doesn't follow from empathy, simply from the outcomes of previous trials.
Robson: It's too clean a delineation of the scientific method.
DCeiver: And yet so glib. More human than human. I find the tortoise question interesting: his response could be written off as a facile recitation of libertarian dogma, but he seems to easily slide past the fact that he has himself placed the tortoise in the position.
Robson: Oh, deep down, though, he knows it was he who put the tortoise on his back. He probably did it on his way to taking the test.
THE GOOD NEWS, people, is that like all Replicants, Rees has a very short lifespan. The bad news is that as Gavin Newsom proves, Replicance is no impediment to electoral success.
The light that burns twice as bright burns half as long - and you have burned so very, very brightly, Jonathan.