Monday, February 13, 2006

Well, at the very least we'll all think twice about testifying against Dick Cheney.

Oh, those Republicans and their hunting trips. It's perhaps indicative of the administration's lame duck status that where Dick Cheney used to go out hunting and end up compromising the entire Federal judiciary, this time, he only managed to bag a single member of the bar.

That member, Austin-based attorney Harry Whittington, was admitted to a local hospital after being sprayed in the face with rifle shot at the hands of the Vice President. The incident occurred this weekend as the VP and some friends were hunting quail--or, to put it into a Hurrican Katrina context--"looted the wildnerness for quail." Cheney apparently mistook Whittington for the oldest, largest quail he had ever seen.

Whittington is in stable condition and is expected to make a full recovery, though, there is a downside: his injuries were not sufficient enough to justify any sort of solo hip-hop recording.


Castle Phün Phün said...

The party is rethinking its description of the administration from leaders "who shoot from the hip"

Le Porq said...

As your Austin correspondant, le porq should tell you that Whittington, an Austinite, is getting more local press than he deserves (even if he was shot better than "but good"), but as of press time, the real story isn't that Cheney yelled, "Duck!" in slow-gin's general direction firing off some 28 guage buck into netherworld and that's when the 3 Stooges-esque hilarity began ensuing, it's this, according to

"Fortunately, the vice president has got a lot of medical people around him and so they were right there and probably more cautious than we would have been," she {Katharine Armstrong, major repub lobbyist] said. "The vice president has got an ambulance on call, so the ambulance came."

OY GE FUCKING VALT! This is where the general public should descend into Lewis-Blackian fits of blub-fuck blubbering incredulity....

Need le porq even ASK if we should be giving guns to a guy who requires three blue scrubbed interns armed to the gills with defibrillators and chest crackers trailing him at five feet intervals?

Also, i could say, leave it to this stupid assfucking administration to call a Quail a Duck, when Duck season isn't for another few months. What are they doing out hunting Quyale anyway? He was the last good thing they had.

If you need me, I'll be mixing more metaphors mehind my mansion.

- le porq

PS -- the only other thing I'll say about this is, if you want a sit down with the fucking MAN for ANY reason, you better bring your fucking kevlar, bitch (did he just surpass Karl Rove in absolute balls-to-the-wall kick-assitude?), and also...

PPS -- Please note, the only other guy to be shot by a sitting USVP was ALEXANDER FUCKING HAMILTON.....

So really, this was all an elaborate plot to put no-name Whittington on the new sawbuck....shit, I'd take buckshot in the face for that shit too.

PK said...

I have to admit, the Daily Show had fun with this story. The whole Darth Vader Black Egg thing had me rolling on the floor.