Monday, March 06, 2006

The 24gasm: 4:00-5:00pm

  1. How is it that the escorted motorcade can move more SLOWLY through the streets of Los Angeles that Jack does, winging his way willy-nilly wherever his country needs him? Magic, that's how.
  2. Sweet Uncle Vanya! I love how the Russian First Lady is all bemoaning the loss of the orange groves! Someone's been reading their Chekhov over in Joel Surnow's house! Total shout out to Doctor Astroff, baby!
  3. Poor Edgar: Audrey's totally drawing him into their web of interoffice lies, and it's not an environment where Edgar is at his best. This is the guy whose tragic, inplacable truthiness got Jack into all that trouble with the Chinese in the first place.
  4. President Logan is just painful to listen to. He practically whines over the plan he carefully negoiotated with the terrorists is falling apart. Whatever happens to him (and I hope he gets hit by a bus in the show's final scene--hey Mark, can you help me out here?), he's going to need to take a lengthy meeting with his Undersecretary of Self-Delusion.
  5. We welcome the hitherto unknown CTU Girl, and hope she proves to be a distracting plot device. She's a casting director find, obvs, since it's not the type of woman Surnow doinks and then offers some morning-after SAG time. He is, after all, a magnificent bastard.
  6. Jack says of his relationship with Christopher Henderson, that "things ended badly between us." That's pretty remarkable considering Jack ends most of his relationships by killing the other person.
  7. Poor Martha Logan. She really thinks that in the end, her husband will do the right thing. She doesn't know that his pageant of passive-agression contunies unabated, asking/telling Novick: "Then there's nothing I can do...unless I warn them." He so wants Novick to bail him out. Novick realizes that it's better to let the world burn than coddle this manchild.
  8. Hey, I know a way Martha can save the day! Redirect the motorcade to stop by some frickin' orange groves so Miss Subarov can get her Cherry Orchard jollies on!
  9. Poor new CTU girl! She gets fired for placing a call to the Department of Homeland Security! How is that a personal call? They're the Counter Terrorism Unit, it's not like they were reminiscing over the last episode of Scrubs!
  10. Jack shows up for his covert rendezvous: "Good morning! I have an appointment today with R&D, and like all of my business appointments, I like to show up all sweaty and bedraggled, dressed like a steamfitter."
  11. Now, the woman who plays Henderson's secretary--Surnow definitely banged her.
  12. Damn, Jack got Robocopped. I want my next job to consist mainly of lurking inside my office near the front door with a Taser, waiting for people to walk in. That's so best.
  13. Jack explains that the news story that went out about the nerve gas leak was to prevent Widespread Panic, but come on--they're just an innocuous jam band that never hurt anybody! Was Jackassolantern really that bad?
  14. Okay, we so don't need all these crazy domestic wiretapping if terrorists are going to oblige us with attack-specific chatter THREE MINUTES AFTER THE PLAN IS HATCHED!! What the fuck? These terrorists can stop chattering. They chatter more than the DCist staff does on their daily email service! If I ever run a terrorist organization, I'm gonna be like: "Hold the damned chatter until we've popped the champagne, bitches!"
  15. More anti-Russian terrorists who talk with accents that are far removed from the ones you hear in the breakaway republics. The guy who's heading up the attack on the Subarovs sounds like that dude from the new VW commercials. Of course, in fairness, he is about to unpimp that motorcade in a big way.
  16. Anyone else appreciating the way Audrey is totally embracing her inner Jack Bauer? At this rate, the next time they make love (if there is a next time), she's going to be the one with the biggest dick.
  17. Logan stares ruefully at family pictures. Too late do we learn that we can never hug terrorists the way we hug our loved ones.
  18. Samwise is just off the rails. Hmmm. We lost some nerve gas today. The people that stole the nerve gas hate the Russians. Now there's word of attack on the motorcade. The motorcade is filled with Russians. Naaaah, they can't possibly be related.
  19. Yeah, you're probably thinking that now's a good time to remind Mike Novick about the 25th Amendment, but invoking the 25th is so 2004 television season. The best we can hope for is for someone to shoot Novick and Logan in the back of the head while they pray--though, if you've read Hamlet, you know this all but guarantees them both passage to heaven.
  20. Okay, what else can be said about the unbelievable badassery of Agent Curtis Manning. "If you carry out that order...I will draw my weapon." So calm and deadly. I wonder what he's like in the bedroom? "If you take off that negligee...I will freak you standing up."
  21. What did I tell you about the immortality of Secret Service Agent Aaron!!
  22. Let's take the time to give the writers some props: this episode has been pretty light on Jack's involvement, and yet they've really done a great job highlighting the other actors while delivering a really taut episode.
  23. Watch what you say about Bill Buchanan there, Robocop! I find him to be surprisingly flexible and understanding for a government employee with an alliterative name.
  24. Next week, two hours! And we welcome back Kim Bauer!! And she doesn't have shitty hair!!!

3 comments:

Blogs t r e t c h said...

Unpimp that motorcade.

Best.

Divine Ms. K said...

Spawn might not have shitty hair, but she has shitty eyebrows. How can they be so very much darker than her roots? Girlfriend needs an introduction to Sally Hansen, pronto.

Castor OiL said...

Sorry about the spolier. If you can fit in an eternal sunshine of the spotless mind session on your way home I'll go halfsies with you.