Monday, March 20, 2006

The 24gasm: 7-8pm

  1. Riddle me this: CTU goes to all the trouble of specifically designing rooms in which personnel can cower from toxic gas, and then they put all the gas masks somewhere in the middle of the kill zone? Your government at work, people.
  2. Also, what's up with this gas? It has some sort of caustic element that eats through rubber yet leaves dermis and other connective membranes totally intact? Is the gas just stupid, or is our skin secretly tougher than rubber?
  3. Meanwhile Chloe is freaking out. We knoe that she is taking the death of Edgar Stiles hard because she had her eyes opened all the way as she watched him die. Luckily, it's clinical psychology to the rescue! God, I hate this clinical psychologist character. Especially because the only tricks up his sleeve are "Hey, calm down" and "Just breathe." You need a degree for that?
  4. Chloe is upset that her last interaction with Edgar was all yelly and negative. I think that when she delivers her eulogy at his funeral, she should accentuate the positive, like his love for Red Vines and the way he could absorb an inhuman amount of browbeating without much complaint. Also, Chloe, remember: he lived for your abuse. He died minutes after receiving an erotic thrill. His life was complete.
  5. Red shirt dude is sort of sticking it to Agent Samwise. Yeah, Agent Samwise fucked up, but Red shirt dude, you don't have much room to lecture him. You guys make the TSA look like geniuses.
  6. You know, I want to take a moment to appreciate how well CTU trained all of its personnel how to transfer calls and conference people in. Everywhere I've ever worked, there was usually two people in the whole office who knew how to do that shit, and one of them was usually me. It's a real surprise to see how well versed everyone, from Bill Buchanan on down, is in the vagaries of their complicated phone system.
  7. Tony, meanwhile, wants to kill Robocop to get vengeance for Michelle. Jack's all trying to convince him not to do it, but we know that he will try eventually because Tony loves him some TREASON.
  8. It's a little disconcerting how the Vice President has this big ol' hardon for declaring martial law. It's like his life won't be complete until he gets to do it at least once. He makes me glad that we have Dick Cheney, who spends most of his time tucked away in his hyperbaric evil chamber, eating unborn souls and coming out only occasionally to hunt drunk quail and gun down his friends.
  9. So after watching clinical psychologist struggle to chill Chloe out, Jack one ups him with his own therapeutic skillz. It's a little game I like to call "choke the clinical psychologist." I recommend it for groups.
  10. I like how when Bill Buchanan learns that the gas is eating through the seal, he plaintively reaches out and touches the seal on his door, like touching it somehow is going to help: "It's okay, seal. I'm right here. I believe in your gas stopping powers."
  11. By the way, somewhere across town, those garage mechanics have just returned from their lunch break, and they are now deciding whether the presence of two dead bodies means they get to take the rest of the week off.
  12. So, Jack's bright idea is to use his awesome CTU breath holding powers to save the day. They should bring up the clock just to mock him.
  13. One thing I'd say to Jack right now: "Look. Do it because you need to save the day. Do it because in the end, we've always depended on you and have learned to trust you. Do it because your country needs you. But don't do it to impress you daughter and make her love you."
  14. So, tell me, people, should I have been watching Prison Break all this while? Because I haven't. And I don't feel the least bit bad about it. I mean, Catherine from Zunta has been all "Veronica Mars, Veronica Mars" and I'm like, yeah, call me when the DVD's are out and I've got nothing better to do, but Prison Break just looks kind of stupid. Care to enlighten, PB fans?
  15. I'm am officially over the whole President side plot. It's gotten to the point where my heart just sinks everytime he comes on. This is part of the natural progression of every 24 season, though.
  16. Hooray for duct tape! Jack builds his very own airlock. Mind you, the gas, which totally caustically rips through rubber seals, has got no answer for duct tape.
  17. Also, it appears that Jack has got one powerful hoodie. He won't go running around the gas unless he's got it pulled up over his head.
  18. So it falls to Samwise to save the day and die doing so, and Red Shirt Dude is all totally kvelling at having to also die. You don't get it, Red Dude. You're in the Fellowship of the Gas now. You have to die so that Jack can destroy the One-Terrorist and save Middle Earth and shit. That means, of course, that Samwise isn't Samwise. We learn too late that he's actually Boromir--totally smart to begin with, then going through a prolonged period of crazy-ass dickitude, only to die doing the right thing.
  19. Agent Boromit nee Samwise arrives at the computer to turn on the HVAC system and flush the gas, and all I can think is: "Wouldn't this be a shitty time to have to do a Windows update?" Think about it. Microsoft is going to be our undoing one of these days.
  20. Chloe's last words to Agent Boromir nee Samwise: "Good luck, and, uhhh...thanks for doing this." There's Clooney's sequel!
  21. Kim doesn't want to make all nicey-nice with Dad. She's apparently not ready to welcome him and all the killing that comes with him back into her life. What she doesn't seem to remember is that all the death that travels in his wake only obscures all the living free that everyone else gets to do because of his efforts.
  22. Agh. Who is this femme fatale woman working with the terrorists? I've got no patience for new characters!
  23. Meanwhile, the CTU's new leaders are on their way over. As a veteran of three corporate re-engineerings, I can tell you that this shit NEVER WORKS EVER and that everyone is going to either get fired or will bring CTU down from the inside from all their bitching and moaning. Luckily for CTU, these dumbasses have no idea what it's like to fuck with Jack.
  24. Holy God! Tony's dead? I can't take all this tragedy. This is easily the deathingest season ever.


Amy said...

Check it out -- that IS Desmond in the previews!

Blogs t r e t c h said...

Prison Break gripped me throughout the first part of the season, but I'm pretty sure it's because of the dream boat factor. If I wasn't attracted to the lead character, I don't know how into it I'd be.

But dude, seriously. Veronica Mars. Veronica Mars.

playfulinnc said...

Did you see Jenny Lewis and the Watson twins on David Letterman last night?

I was about to turn off the boob tube when I heard him announce that they'd be playing, and honestly, I was shocked.

Anonymous said...

Prison Break rules. Shit might even be more addictive than 24.