According to the local Fox affiliate news team, scientists have come up with a way to make eating bacon safer. I wasn't previously privy to the news that eating bacon carried some sort of danger. Wife of DCeiver was there with the rundown: scientists are doing some sort of cloning-slash-genetic fuckery to breed pigs that are richer in Omega Sixes.
Well. Okay, then.
Dear Men and Women of Science:
I applaud your recently announced efforts to make the eating of bacon safer. That's certainly some outside the box thinking. I imagine you've already spent a lot of money developing this breakthrough, and more money is obviously going to be spent perfecting the idea and doing this genetic stuff with pigs on a wider scale. I'm sure that this will, one day, be considered money well spent. However, I have a proposition for you.
Please don't spend anymore time and money on this project. On behalf of the rest of America, I pledge that we will all strive to eat bacon in moderation for the indefinite future. We'll wait to reap the benefit of this breakthrough. In the meantime, we only ask one small thing in return.
Go cure AIDS or something.
That is all. Thank you, you men and women of science.