Wednesday, March 29, 2006

The Pompatus of Lost: 2.16--Sun and her Bun

Lights up deep in the heart of my favorite part of Flashbackistan--the part where Yoon-Jin Kim and Daniel Dae Kim are scantily clad. Okay, seriously: Rowr. My God these are two amazing specimens of humanity. They are mos def a living, breathing advertisement for bisexuality if I ever saw one. Hollywood: where is their Mr. and Ms. Smith? F'real. These two belong franchised in pictures that show off their ineffable, dashing, old-school hotness.

We learn that, in inverse proportion to their attractiveness, Sun and Jin have been having trouble making a baby. They've been trying for a year--one long, hot, sexy year--but, thus far, Jin's seed has found no viable purchase amid the florid fields of Sun's lush femininity. We're geared up for the possibility of attempt no. 459, but, alas, this is Lost, the characters have carry-on baggage, and that's the scene we're treated to. Before long, a discussion on seeing a doctor about their problem becomes a scene strewn with buried resentments and larger worries. "You came home with blood on your hands," says Sun. "It's your father! So much blood!" replies Jin. "I can't deal with the blood!" yells Sun. "I came home with a puppy dog, once!" protests Jin. "A dog that was probably covered in blood!" accuses Sun. "Oh, no fair! Metaphor! Come on!" retorts Jin. "Our baby will be covered in blood!" Sun cries. "That's just amniotic fluid! It's an easy mistake!" says Jin, who adds, "Once we have our baby, maybe your dad will give me a safer job, maybe managing the company health plan for all his ruthlessly violent enforcers! We could use better dental!"

Yes. Having a baby will change everything and solve all their problems. A million billion advice columnists just offered an Edna Krabappel style cackle in response.

Back on La Isla Encanta, Sun sits in the middle of Abduction Gardens, tending to her life giving vegetables and medicinal herbs. Jin approaches, all nervy and a-flutter. He asks her to come away from the garden, because it's where she was dragged off into the woods and attacked. Granted, we know that was Charlie who did that, but still, it isn't entirely unreasonable to wonder why Sun would go back there without a little back-up. Frankly, it's a little weird that the other islanders, who have an acknowledged need for the garden, haven't spared some resources to see to it that Sun isn't unaccompanied. The buddy system, people: it works. But, we forget that these aren't the islanders who were terrified a mere two weeks ago for fear of being slain by the Others. As Sayid says: they have forgotten. Have you forgotten? Not if you read these recaps: I keep reminding you.

Still, Jin doesn't approach this with reason. He's all flailing and yelly, and the fact that he speaks in Korean, which sounds to us like he's saying, "Bibble-bibble, shin yin, jookio fnu fnu!" only accentuates his seeming unreasonableness. Yes, ethnocentricism can be a powerful reinforcer of dramatic themes, but that doesn't make it right. Sun refuses to heed Jin, so Jin jumps around like a crack-mad monkey, flapping his arms and tearing at the soil. I guess we're supposed to come away with the impression that he has "destroyed" the garden, but it looks more like he just launched into some sort of bizarre, teenage performance art piece.

We return from commercial to see Ana LuPoopstain running quickly down the beach. Locke remarks that she is running like the "devil is chasing her", and our ears prick up, because we've heard this phrase before. If you recall, as Jack jogged up the stadium stairs in Flashbackistan, a then outside-the-hatch Desmond greeted him with that phrase. This raises interesting questions. Is Locke "becoming" Desmond? He has, since entering the Hatch, began to behave erractically and inconsistently. He's been weirdly violent and easily played. Locke only reinforces this odd feeling by describing Gale as the prisoner "in my Hatch." Oddly possessive. This seems like a good time te remind everyone about the work of Burrhus Frederic Skinner and his "Skinner boxes." A case can be made that Locke has made himself susceptible to behavioral conditioning.

Locke asks Ana to be the next in a rotating series of Gale interrogators. Locke reasons that Ana knows something about the others and she used to be a policewoman. I'm getting a little sick of all the presumption over Ana's mad, real-world, skillz. We know that her process of sussing out the Others in the Mists was to basically accuse people at random until she got lucky. We also know that she wasn't exactly the type of policewoman who rocked the mad Mariska Hargitay investigative steez. She was more of a beat-walking grunt. And, if we recall, she wasn't very good at upholding the law even then. So, another left field stupidity from Locke, but it's not nearly as asinine as jack seeking her help to form an army when a member of an actual army, Sayid, was on hand.

Also, from out in left field, we learn that Rose and Bernard--whose reunion was a touching moment of faith redeemed and love put asunder conquering adversity to become whole again--really don't like each other all that much. Rose, who we've come to see as a cross between some sort of benign Christian stoic and hippy-dip Earth mother, is actually a fucking nag-and-a-half. And Bernard, who we've come to see as a pasty, out-of-sorts whiner, is...well...okay, we had Bernard dead to rights.

Sun happens upon Rose and Bernard, and gets all clutchy and sickiepoo because, as we know, she's totally preggers. Rose and Bernard don't recognize the signs, though, since their marriage is bereft of affection and barren of the physical bonds of lovers. They suggest she goes to see Jack. But Sun says that won't be necessary.

Back in Flashbackistan, Sun is all sneaky-sneaking around a hotel. She uses a key card to enter a room and surprise! It's Baldy! The Korean dude who graduated from college in America who drank orange juice with Sun back when his parents were on the bridal warpath and he was tomcatting around Seoul before zipping home to elope with his American cooze. Sun is totally having an affair with him! Or is she? Baldy is teaching Sun English! That's so romantic! Or is it? It's a fascinating scene, actually, because the characters exhibit a striking level of vulnerability with one another while at the same time projecting any number of reasonable clues that this is just about English lessons. It's impossible to come away with any settled feeling as to whether or not these two have made the beast with two backs--and I say, kudos to Lost! For all the attendant mystery stoked in the plotlines, it's a refreshing reminder that the richer mysteries have always come from the characters. Also: Yoon-Jin Kim=awesome actress.

Still, we'll lay odds that these two have done it--after all, what English teacher doesn't get laid?

In the Hatch, Locke and Jack are totes rocking the Odd Couple schtick, despite being shaded variations on the Felix Unger character. Once again, Locke treats Gale like a problem that Jack foisted on him and His Hatch, despite the fact that it was Locke and only Locke who agreed to pen gale up in the armory at Sayid's request. Jack brushes Locke off, until Locke tells him that he approached Tequila about questioning Gale. Jack, a little peeved that this means Ana won't be off forming his awesome army, asks when its going to happen. Locke tells him, by the way, it's happening even as they speak. And so the Oh-So-Interesting Passive Aggressive Battle of Pissy Unilateral Decisions continues.

Back on the Beach, Sun approaches Sawyer, who is deeply engrossed in reading Judy Blume's seminal classic, Are You There God, It's Me, Margaret. Sun asks for permission to root through Sawyer's medical supplies. Sawyer, naturally, says that's not an option. Sun huffs and puffs for privacy, but Sawyer asserts his property rights. Finally Sun asks if he has any pregnancy tests. We have to wonder what kind of person needs to hoard pregnancy tests in order to feel like a tough guy. Also, Sawyer's reaction tells us that he really needs to finish reading that Blume book in order to develop some degree of sensitivity for women and their "lady business." Lost fans, after this episode, the second in a two-part series on womby-goodness, will be more than equipped.

As Locke and Jack chill out, listening to The Seeds on the hi-fi, looking over the Geronimo Jackson liner notes and secretly loathing each others' worldview along with their own lack of guts to simply have the lover's spat they both definitely need to have, Ana Lucia asks gale to draw her a map to his magical balloon, so that she can go out looking for it and confirm his story. Okay--if that's Ana Lucia's plan, right away we see it's flawed because if Gale is a clever Other, he could simply use the existence of a downed balloon to give his backstory credibility. A smart investigator would recognize that this fails to prove anything. Second, if it turns out Gale is innocent, I can't imagine he'd want to remain with the Losties for a minute after gaining his freedom--what with the Jack/Locke stupidity on full display, a crazy Iraqi torturer, Eko and his detatchable beard buds, and now Ana Lucia reeking with unpleasantness and badly misplaced "moxie" covering up her general lack of competence.

Out in the Jungle, Sun and Hurley have a meet-cute. It goes like this:

HURLEY: Hey! You got Widmore Labs Brand pregnancy test in my Dharma Initiative Chocolate Bar!

SUN: What? You got Dharma Initiative Chocolate Bar in my Widmore Labs Brand pregnancy test!

HURLEY: Whatever. I'm totally eating this.

Back in Flashbackistan, Sun and Jin go to see a fertility doctor. The doc has some bad news--Sun's baby-makin' machinery is all crazy bananas. It's like she's a hot Porsche with the uterus of a Yugo, that is, if, in fact cars had uteruses, which, if you watched the way some men behave toward their cars, you'd totally be inclined to believe. Jin gets all freaky and resentful, accusing her of concealing the fact of her broken down lady parts. Sun needs to correct his ass, and point out that he was a dirt poor bootlicking son of a goddamn fisherman before she came along to lift him into his hot and sexy world of beating the bejeezus out of her dad's enemies, but she chooses instead to lightly mock him, which causes Jin to freak out.

Back on the Island, Ana comes out of the Hatch and tells Jack and Locke that she'll come back again later to continue working on Gale. She doesn't tell them that she actually got a map to Gale's balloon--it's another example of how Locke and Jack's transformation into an eight-limbed beast with its heads up alternate asses have left them susceptible to chump-outs by people like Charlie and Ana Lucia.

Speaking of, Ana Lucia goes running right to Charlie and Sayid, who are busy building what looks to be a massive stage of some kind, so doubt for Bono to perform on and remind the Losties of all the people they've lost since coming to La Isla Encanta. She tells them of her discovery and recruits them to go off wandering in the jungle looking for Gale's balloon. And so, yet another Island Club is formed: Ana, Sayid and Charlie--the Mistrustables.

The Mistrustables venture forth, silently stewing in the visceral dislike they have for one another and how they'd rather be back at their real world pastimes, be they shooting smack, gunning down perps in parking lots, and torturing the enemies of the state. It is revealed at one point that Charlie is strapped, and he is asked by Ana Lucia to give the gun to someone who knows how to use it. Charlie could rightly point out that when he aimed a gun at Ethan Rom, he managed to fire several shots center mass, as opposed to Miss Give The Gun To Someone Who Knows How To Use It, who plugged Shannon, but Charlie gives up the gun to Sayid, which I suppose is his way of sticking it to Ana Lucia--but our way would have been to a) keep the gun and b) tell Ana Lucia to shut her yap and walk.

Sun confides in Kate, who has, I guess, become the island's de facto go-to person in matters of maternity. Kate leans a little to heavily on her contention that it is surprising that someone would bring a pregnancy test on a plane. Methinks the lady doth protestcakes blah blah. Sun asks Kate if she'd ever used a pregnancy test before, the wistful look Kate offers seems to portend a future visit to Flashbackistan. The result of the test is a yes--Sun's wth child. We cannot wait to see the perfect genetic offspring on Sun and Jin--but wait! Is it? Their offspring, I mean? We'll know when the child's born, of course. If it fails to emerge from Sun's body a perfect image of Korean raw sexual beauty--we'll know the truth.

Jack confirms the result of Sun's pregnancy test and offers her his congratulations. If she had just gone to Jack back in the real world, he would have been able to use his magic Coldplay powers to fix her junk right up. Or would he? Jack recommends to Sun that she tell Jin the whole truth. That's the title of the episode. Jack then immediately turns to Kate and lies to her. Great, Jack. Just great.

We head to Flashbackistan, where it initially appears that Sun has somehow journeyed into the movie Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. Thankfully, she hasn't--it's just the weird reflection of the greying sky against the window she's wistfully gazing out of. She's once again in a hotel room with Baldy, and it sure doesn't look like they're Hooked on Phonics. Baldy wonders why they are still playing at English lessons: she's learned all she can from him, and it's not like you are going to be taught how to write Shavian prose from a guy who's learned the language as a secondary accessory. Sun reveals that she is going to leave Jin--we have the benefit of knowing, of course, that this is largely the reason she worked at learning English in the first place. Baldy tells her that he'd prefer that she stays, though he admits, not for Jin's sake. It's clear that Baldy has a bit of a torch for her, and who could blame him--she's effing gorgeous. Nevertheless, the moment ends before we get any kind of conclusive proof that Sun and Baldy have shagged.

After an evening of small talk in which Ana Lucia largely confessed to being the shoddy, stupid person that we know she is, only to have Sayid largely babble some crazy-talk back at her, the Mistrustables awake and turn down Charlie's offer of papayas in favor of taking up their stupid search for the Balloon That Won't Reallly Prove Anything One Way Or The Other. I mean, the island is littered with damaged vehicles as it is: doomed boats, heroin laden aircraft...what's a balloon worth? It's surprising that the island doesn't inhale balloons and other various zeppelins on a daily basis.

Anyway, they reach the clearing described on Gale's map and there's no sign of any balloon. Sayid, who I guess imagined the fucking thing would just be sitting there waiting for a Re/Max commercial to happen, says he's satisfied and can't wait to get back to wreak some 24-style torture on Gale. But Ana Lucia, in a rare moment of clarity, insists that she wants to be absolutely certain. And so, Sayid consents to lead up an area search for the balloon. Now, I have a message to ABC:

Dear ABC:

Very nice episode. Here's where you fucked it all up for every single Lost fan in the world though: you shouldn't have revealed that the Mistrustables were successful in finding a balloon in the "scenes from next week." If you had left us, believing they could possibly fail to find any balloon, it would have left us wondering about the outcome of their little mini-adventure. And, what's more, given Gale's ominous sounding speech at the end of this episode, it would have stoked a lot of discussion over the coming week as to whether Gale was telling the truth or was being outright nefarious. By showing us the balloon, you up and ruined a lot of the juicy intrigue. Take a note from 24: in their "scenes from next week", they didn't show us any scenes of Jack. Now, we highly doubt that they'll let Jack die in an explosion, but it means a lot to fans of 24 that the network respected the way we like to wonder and worry and ponder and exercise our imaginations a little.

It's called "premature ejaculation," ABC. There are doctors that can help you with that.

Well, except for maybe Sun's doctor. After meeting up with a penitent Jin, who's recently come from hearing Sawyer and Bernard talk backward (so...does that mean Walt is speaking Korean?) and is now found in Abduction Gardens helping to "correct a mistake"--his yelling and slapping at the garden from the opening act--Sun journeys back to Flashbackistan. She's out, walking the metaphorically blooddrenched Shi-tzu of Marital Shame when her harried OB/GYN pulls up in his car, gets out, and tells her that it's not her baby business that's all askew--it's actually Jin that's firing blanks. He lied to her when they first consulted because he was afraid what Bad Sperm Jin would do him if the real version of the bad news was revealed. That doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

Anyway, Jin, initially happy with the news of Sun's pregnancy, hears this for the first time and doesn't quite know what to make of it. Sun swears to him that she's never slept with another man. We aren't totally sure that's true, and if she's following Jack's advice or being more Jack-like in refusing to follow it. But, after carefully trying to ass two and two, Jin puts the calculator away and deems the baby a miracle. That's in keeping with the wonders and mysteries of La Isla Encanta, but I'd be careful before I embraced one of La Isla's "miracles"--they tend to come at considerable cost.

But you know what? It's nice to see them all happy.

Clearly, though, we cannot end on this note. We return to the Hatch. Borne from his need to continually escalate his private little pissing contest with Locke, Jack elects to let Gale come out of the armory and sit at the table to eat a bowl of Dharma Initiative Brand Hatcheeos. Gale takes the opportunity to give some good Gale--that is, up the level of manipulation that he pulled at the end of the previous episode with Locke. When he suggests that his breakfast allowances were won by giving Ana Lucia a map, it only takes a second before he susses from Jack and Locke's dumbfounded expressions that they weren't in the loop on the whole map adventure.

Gleefully mocking their trust issues, Gale launches into a pretty convincing tale of what he might to if he were an Other--draw a map, send some captors on a wild goose chase, walk them right into a trap and then have Team Other bargain their lives for his release. It's such a nifty little knife twist, that we'll once again chide ABC for seemingly eliminating this possibility with their scenes from next week.

Gale's parting shot is a request for milk. Ha. It is a part of every seditionist's balanced breakfast.

TONIGHT: You will have FIVE orgasms as FIVE crazy reveals come at you ONE at a TIME. And Locke gets locked in his beloved Hatch! Serves him right!


Anonymous said...

I think you came on yourself.. did you watch last night? Turns out the ballon wasn't Henry's. And Henry isn't Henry.

jolene said...

Need. New. Recap.

Must. Have. New. Recap.

Anonymous said...