Monday, April 03, 2006

The 24gasm: 9-10pm.

  1. If Bill Buchanan has any fault, it's that he still sort of assumes Chloe is just stupid from time to time. Here he asks her to quietly, just sorta see if, you know, Audrey has any ties to Chris Henderson, and immediately Chloe's all a-blurt: "Wha-whaaa? You think Audrey's in on the kill taker?" I mean, give her some credit. She snatched your fucking "wet list" right out from under your noses. When Tom Cruise did the same thing in Mission: Scientology 2 he had to dangle from wires and avoid sweating and rely on fucking Jean Reno! You put Chloe in one of those movies and the whole thing would last only 30 minutes. She'd be all: "Jesus, Bryce Dallas Howard! We live in a facsimile of a 17th Century town and the monster is just the guy from To Die For in a Sleestak costume. Fucking get a grip!"
  2. Lucky Collette. That immunity agreement protects her even though she's obviously the person that should be tortured. Immunity is awesome. Still, knowing that the counter-terrorist forces give out immunity at the drop of the hat, I'm resolved that if I'm ever in the position to demand immunity from the President, I'm going to take it a step further. "I want full immunity!" I'll say, "Plus I want some fucking cupcakes up in here! You got me, G-man? Those motherfucking cupcakes had better be MOIST and DELICIOUS, too! And, yeah, I'll be licking the mixers, too!"
  3. I recently enjoyed that miniseries that started the whole Battlestar Galactica reboot (which, I have to admit, was a tremendously engaging show). But, during the whole time Audrey was protesting that she was innocent, I kept imagining her saying: "But I'm NOT a Cylon!"
  4. Jack promises Audrey that if she doesn't talk, he will make it the worst day of her life. And this is a man who knows from bad days. Still, it's hard to imagine that Jack can make Audrey's day worse than his famous 24-hour sessions of self-torture and strenuous exercise. Unless he's got papers formally making Kim her daughter. That'd give me pause. I'd probably come clean
  5. You know what, I find it entirely plausible to believe that William Devane has, at some point in his life, eaten a man whole in one sitting for sport.
  6. Okay. The terrorists once again succeed through stupid luck. They've already lucked into a CTU keycard that happened to be stolen at random. Now, to defeat the official curfew, Bierko says: "Okay. You two dudes. Just stand in that alley and start beating the crap of each other. We'll wait for some police car to happen by and see you. Go. And, come on, guys. I'm not asking you to kill each other, but make it believable. Don't just half-ass it. Sell it."
  7. We welcome Edgar Stiles' replacement, Sherrie Rothenberg! And, with her comes a Spawn of the Famous alert. Sherrie is played by Kate Mara, offspring of the New York Giants Mara family.
  8. I hope that Audrey realizes that while being tortured by Jack can be a horribly unpleasant experience, the post-interrogation sex is totally tigs.
  9. The idea that having sketchy sex in a dive hotel with Walt Cumming could be a part of Audrey's grieving process is about as plausible as having sketchy sex in a dive hotel with Alan Cumming.
  10. So this guy Burke--CTU's resident torture expert--what do you think he's like after work? Does he have drinking buddies? When his best pals are all: "Jesus. My boss is such a douchebag," does he offer, "You know, with some chloroform and exacto knife, you can perforate his eyelids. That'd learn him." And then his friends are all: "Uhm...yeah...okay, Burke" as they look at each other, silently wondering if more liquor would take the edge off or if that's the problem in the first place. Maybe he needs to meet the right woman. Not like they're all in a rush to volunteer their sisters, of course. I mean, that'd be creepy even if he didn't know 7,001 ways to kill her.
  11. Oh, God. They couldn't possibly introduce a new CTU officemate without some complicated interpersonal work relationship complete with colleague hatred, could they? Just once, it'd be great to meet some new CTU person who's just happy to have a job in this economy.
  12. So, the white shirt guys...only slightly less useless than the red shirt guys. Gotta give props to Burke for taking Jack out, though. He did it in one fluid motion. Plus, I think he enjoyed it. He's probably always wanted to know how he'd do if he ever had to tangle with Jack. Probably figured it'd never come to that, but nevertheless had a whole plan of how he'd do it in the back of his mind if it ever went down. Thing is, it probably happened a whole different way than he imagined. He had to improvise a little. Still, he got it done. Here's hoping he'll take a minute to savor it a little.
  13. Once again, I have to offer kudos to 24 for getting Secret Service Immortal Aaron into the action all large-style this season. Saving lives, capping terrorist bitches, even coming close to getting a little 'tang. We love Aaron.
  14. Here's some more terrorist behavior I don't understand. Bierko rounds the corner, sees the dudes, calls out "Hello" and shit, and then kills one of them. Why bother saying hello? I mean, he's just going to kill him. Why the need to be polite?
  15. And hey, I gotta say, we see people all over L.A. just rolling over for the terrorists. Whatever happened to that "Let's Roll" spirit of 9-11? Was it irrevocably cheapened when Bobby Bowden licensed its use for the Florida State football team? Answer: no. It was cheapened LONG before that.
  16. Bill Buchanan opens his cellphone, presses no buttons, and just yells: "Get me the President!" Can anyone just DO that?
  17. Damn! Audrey is the most forgiving person in the world! Fair's fair, but I'd probably nevertheless have some major trust issues with Jack after getting thrown up against the wall and choked! All I know, is that the best man at their wedding is going to have a pretty interesting toast.
  18. I appreciate that Sherrie has some kickin' chemistry skillz, but it's a little sad that someone with an advanced scientific degree is stuck in a job tracking protocols and resetting filters for CTU.
  19. OMG! Sherrie Rothenberg is like, psychofreaky male mistruster. Are there enough HOURS left in the series for her to fuck Buchanan over?
  20. Aaron arrives just in time to save Wayne Palmer with his crazy sphere of immortality.
  21. In a perfect world: We would get to swap the employees of CTU with the employees of Dunder Mifflin.
  22. Check out Jack! Running for his life, but he won't leave his fucking bag behind!
  23. WTFtimesInfinity! Evelyn! Is! Important! To the story! Joel Surnow, you magnificent Mara-family schtupping bastard!
  24. Oh. Just so you know. My bet is that the VP is behind the whole thing for some reason that'll only make sense to someone who's completely retarded.

1 comment:

divine ms. k said...

The keycard? Totally not stolen at random. Again: they knew Lynn McHobbit's sister was a crackhead, and they tapped her BF to steal it, then wacked both of 'em. Tricksy terrorists.

Seriously, of all the implausible things to happen on this show, that's probably one of the more plausible.