Sunday, May 21, 2006

The 24gasm: 4-5am.

  1. I love how Jack hates the idea of impeachment. Too slow! Not good enough for a man of action. If you can't pull it out of Jack's magic bag of solutions, if it doesn't end up involving that little telescope thingy or some dopr hand to hand combat, Jack wants no part of it. I don't blame him. There's a reason Arlen Specter isn't part of the CTU tactical team. He'd be talking everyone's ear off about Scottish Common Law and ancient precepts of jurisprudence. Also, he has cancer.
  2. See this is why they should have accounted for Wayne Palmer, who is still presumably cooling his heels at Buchanan's bachelor pad. Lacking the recording, Wayne could at least tell the Attorney General that he drove up to the retreat and motherfuckers tried to kill him and Agent Pierce. I mean, that has to count for something, right. That qualifies as maybe something fucked up going on with the President, right?
  3. You might flinch at Jack yelling at Chloe all the time, as he does in this case: "THINK ABOUT IT!!! COGITATE, BITCH!! FUCKING CONSIDER SOME POSSIBILITIES!! DRAW SOME GODDAMN CONCLUSIONS!!" But Jack and Chloe work well together this way. She'll say something withering in an hour or so and it'll be even Steven. Besides, I know that if I had Jack Bauer in my life to say things like: "CHANGE YOUR FUCKING OIL ON A REGULAR BASIS, DUMBASS!" it'd make my life a lot easier.
  4. What's with this Tac-Team ambush survivor? "I got hit in the shoulder and I blacked out." Hit in the shoulder? What a pussy! In this episode, Curtis gets shot in the shoulder and he barely flinches.
  5. Yet he overhears a conversation between Bierko and his minions: "He said something about an extra canister of nerve gas." Right. I'm sure that after the ambush (which they pulled off with an IED without hurting Bierko!), he gathered his troops together and said: "Look, I know that CTU will be after us in a matter of minutes, but I want to pause and explain to all of you that we still have some terrorism left to do tonight. It's going to involve the extra canister of nerve gas. You understand? We have an extra canister of nerve gas. Really, I want this to sink in before we get going."
  6. They tell the Tac-Team survivor that they are sending a medical unit out for them. At this point, I'm surprised the guy doesn't protest, screaming: "No! Those butchers! Please!"
  7. How is it that Bierko ended up with an extra canister of nerve gas? I thought CTU has accounted for them all! Surely they opened up a socket for the "count the canisters" protocol. Was nothing sent to the right person's screen?
  8. At least Bierko finally removes that envelope from his face.
  9. Over at the Presidential Retreat, we gear up for Martha to play a big role in what's to come because she's unable to bring herself to OD on all her lovely pills. She slaps them into her mouth, and we see pills dribbling out. It's kind of gross. But then she sees Agent Pierce's cellphone! Oh, Agent Pierce's cellphone! All the memories we've shared. Hmm, she thinks, I wonder if it has a vibrate setting.
  10. Oh, man. I'm looking at Aaron Pierce, all jacked up and bleeding, and personally, I think: "This is the worst thing that's happened to pretend-America on this day. Aaron Pierce is the anti-Chris Henderson, and he's like the faithful dog character in the disaster movie--he can't die. The world will spin off its axis without the steadying presence of Aaron Pierce. Plus, someone needs to be left standing to tap the glorious Milfy goodness of Martha Logan, especially if she's just going to be roofying herself.
  11. What would David Palmer do? He'd teach us to be careful of the swoop and squat for starters.
  12. Jack's going to "present the deal" to Henderson, which is still probably preferable to having the deal presented to you by Howie Mandel. But we kid. That Deal or no Deal gig is probably the only thing keeping Mandel from a career in serial pedophilia.
  13. Let's all take a minute to applaud the heroic boom operators, who managed to expertly capture the seething quietude in this scene between Jack and Henderson. They bring inside voices to thrilling life.
  14. He's going to hit hard? You'd better think fast? That's Henderson's fucking "give me immunity" advice? Awesome, you fucking genius! Why, now that CTU is armed with the power of the obvious, nothing can stop us! Nothing!
  15. I have to tell you, for a lot longer than I care to admit, I've thought this grey-haired Taylor Hicks dude on American Idol was yelling "Snow Patrol!" And I kept thinking to myself: "Damn. Dude really likes Snow Patrol."
  16. Check out the body language between Karen and Bill as they drape themselves over the back of a chair in the Situation Room, bodies turned quarter-in to one another as they loosely and languidly discuss operations. I think the two of them are getting quite familiar. The potential is there for a Almeida-Dessler-for-the-Metamucil-set thing to happen between the two of them. That would leave Chloe as the odd person out, since I kind of hoped she'd end up getting with Buchanan. But, maybe this is where Wayne comes in. Wayne's like the hottie and the end of Pretty in Pink, who's all up in Ducky's jock, saying, "Yeah, me. That's what I'm saying." Wayne's going to have some stuff to work out of his system after this is all over, Chloe's going to want to get Spencer out of her system. This could work.
  17. Also, Audrey deserves to have the chance to kill Henderson. That will endear her to Jack forever.
  18. Now they worry that CTU looks like a trendy Internet cafe? I always thought that was the architectural motif they were going for!
  19. Wooooh. Molina has a Phoenix shield! Not a Phoenix shield! What does a Phoenix shield do, protect your system with the awesome defensive skills of Steve Nash? If this sort of thing was on the market, why don't all the terrorists use it? I need to ask Tommy if we can get this thing for DCist.
  20. I'm so happy that Martha saved Aaron. Their love can live on! I'm not so sure about this whole leave Aaron alone and bleeding in the stable plan. Also, I'm not sure she's the ideal candidate to slip back into the retreat and summon Mike Novick. She's not exactly Ms. Subtle. Though she has learned not to use her titties to get herself out of a jam. All I can say is if her drugged up fugue prevents her from saving Aaron, I'll never forgive her.
  21. Yeah, even if you gave me Molina's apartment, I still wouldn't move to Los Angeles.
  22. What's Molina doing awake at this hour, nervously pacing his living room? Doesn't he realize he's got a Phoenix Shield?!
  23. I'm a little disappointed that this Russian sub that's not become the target of everyone's attention doesn't have nuclear warheads on it. I mean, we got ONE SHOW LEFT. Deep down, we all know that Jack's going to save the day, so why back off on raising the stakes? It's very rare, but it feels a bit like a tiny letdown.
  24. Jesus. Captain Idiot climbs a ladder and gets plugged by Bierko. Dude, what were you thinking? The sub has all of ONE entrance. So where do you think the terrorists are going to be? God, I hope that our own fate isn't in the hands of military officers who don't understand the concept of whack-a-mole.

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