Monday, May 22, 2006

The 24gasm: 5-6am

  1. Dude! How did the terrorists vent the nerve gas off a submarine--an airtight vessel with no possible use for a major venting system--faster than they got it out of CTU? It took three minutes to kill everyone and another three or so to get rid of it all? Did they save the most overachieving looking canister for last?
  2. Bierko announces that they are going to "finish what they started." F'real, Vladimir? It's more like you guys are going to finally get started what you've been trying to start all day.
  3. I hate bad guys that just won't stop talking about what they are going to do. "We will be remembered by our countrymen!" I didn't know that was even up for debate! Shut up and do your thing, terrorist dude!
  4. How is it that when F-18s are scrambled to shoot Jack down, they are up in his grill with a quickness, but when the same planes need to be scrambled to help Jack, the military's all: "Give us a few minutes." What Bill Buchanan needs to do in the future is that as soon as x number of sockets get open and y number of times Jack and Chloe freelance on shit without permission, he needs to just scramble the jets and tell those guys to just stay scrambled in the air over LA.
  5. If the 24verse is allowed to continue, I believe we will have a chance to see President Chief Petty Officer Rooney in office.
  6. Chief Petty Officer Rooney protests that he's an engineer, not a guy who can kill people. Pish. At UVA, none of our engineers can graduate without thorough training in engaging hostiles.
  7. I love how Jack is so thorough in instructing Chief Petty Officer Rooney on how to properly dispose of the guard. Jack should have, like, a call-in show, like Car Talk. "Yeah. It sounds to me like you have Serbian nationalists there. You don't want to get face to face with one of those guys or use a garotte from around the back. Too much in the upper body. Try to get him from behind, knock him over the head with a blackjack or jab him in the back of the neck with a sharp knife. Forty-five degree angle upwards."
  8. All right. Rooney did a good job. He got mad. He did it for his buddy. He did it for America. Now, promise me he'll survive. I'm still a little upset over the whole bank manager thing. Let some guy trying to do the right thing live through this.
  9. Wow. Bierko's really going to stick it to San Francisco. He must really hate Asian kids who trick out their Honda Civics or something.
  10. Oh, poor Agent McCullough. He goes down in a hail of bullets, and don't you know? He just got promoted to the Tactical Team from the Red Shirt Brigade.
  11. Oh, my god. Jack offed Bierko with his legs! That was Jack's most homoerotic killing to date! That one was for you, San Francisco!
  12. Well, after all the muss and tension and fuss, the taser to the neck, the bomb in the clipboard, withstanding the torture, killing Almeida, convincing Scott Evans to co-pilot a doomed flight, and basically thriving and surviving, Henderson is brought low by the old "There's no bullets in my gun!" trick. Suck it, Robocop, and may Audrey Raines dance on your corpse.
  13. Jack tells CTU that he had to kill Henderson because he drew down, and NOBODY believes him.
  14. Chloe and Jack are going after Logan. They're the Treason Twins. Rock. Of course, it helps that CTU's dysfunctional corporate culture just allows people to endlessly use system resources for non-approved purposes.
  15. Logan tries to get Mike Novick amped up about defeating all the terrorists, but Novick demurs. Nobody wants to party with President Suckface. Still, this would have been a good time to ask the President to show him that "evidence" that supposedly had Jack fingered as Palmer's killer, Mike.
  16. Logan, again, blase as hell: "Mr. Bauer will be taken care of."
  17. Aaron Pierce and Martha Logan share an "almost" moment, where their love very nearly comes to the surface in full flower. So very Wuthering Heights! "But no moors," adds Wife of DCeiver. "You mean the topographical feature or swarthy Muslims?" I ask. "Well, neither, really."
  18. "Hey Mike. It's Jack. Look, if you have a chance, you need to get me in touch with Aaron Pierce." "Actually Jack, I happen to be in the middle of the woods with him, disposing of a body this very minute."
  19. This is Chloe's ex-husband? He's like a paunchy, balding Colin Farrell! These two were married? Holy shit. I smell comedy spin-off GOLD!
  20. Jesus. How on Earth did he get down to CTU so quickly? Does he live in the apartment complex across the street from CTU?
  21. Jack needs to get on board a helicopter? Oooh. Sounds like a chance for a return engagement for the Arrested Development stair car!
  22. Well, at least President Logan wants to know where Wayne Palmer is!
  23. Poor Martha. She has to resort to fucking a man she despises in order to give Jack enough time to get onto the helicopter. She's about to have the fakest orgasm in history.
  24. WTF? Did this episode end early or what? Don't try to fuck with me, "real-time" clock! I know damn well it's only 8:54. I hope we can get some top fanfic writers to fill us in on the lost six minutes.

1 comment:

Mel said...
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