Thursday, May 04, 2006

United 93 Crashes

Information Leafblower and I took a brief moment earlier this week to celebrate the fact that United 93 failed to claim the top spot at the box office this weekend, ceding the number one position to RV. This is, by any measure, pretty extraordinary, since RV's advertisements uniformly depicted the flick as a massive excrement pile. RV's corpus delecti included: Robin Williams in full soft-headed mode, annoying child actors, the unfunny deployment of hip-hop argot, catchphrases lamer than "Is that your final answer?", and, OH YEAH--it was about a dysfunctional family in a fucking RV!

Such movies are typically relegated to the post-opening spin zone. You know: "The Number One Family Film!" "The Number One Thriller!" But RV earned nearly five million more dollars than United 93. Hell, United 93 nearly finished third behind Stick It! Now there's nothing left to do but wait for the weekend, watch United 93 hemorrhage 75% of its box office and wait for Tom Cruise and his Clearing Technology to sweep in and finish it off.

I think the moviegoing public this past weekend showed true grit and extraordinary heroism this weekend. Look at what the alternatives to United 93 were: the two aforementioned movies, Silent Hill, another iteration of Scary Movie, Benchwarmers, 24 category killer casualty The Sentinel, some film called The Wild. In essence, the two sanest choices moviegoers were presented with were 1. see United 93, or 2. don't go to the movies at all. Yet Americans by the thousands took to their multiplexes and sacrificed greatly to support a coterie of otherwise unsupportable movies.

Now, it's time for all Americans to rally around those who gave what they could to see RV this weekend. Their resolve should be lauded, but we must, of course, consider the needs of those who survived RV and their families. We encourage you to contact your local chapter of the Red Cross, give a pint of blood at a blood bank, or drop by any of the shelters in your communities that have been set up to aid and assist those who made the ultimate sacrifice and saw the Robin Williams shit-fest this weekend. Above all, this is a time for us to acknowledge the American heroes in our midst, $16.4 million strong, who put themselves on the line to protect our nation. Next year, maybe Paul Greengrass can make a documentary-style feature about them.

No comments: