Friday, June 16, 2006

Life's a riot with snake versus plane!

AWESOMEST ARTICLE IN ALL THE LAND.

And they said Snakes On a Plane couldn't happen here! Motherfucker, it just did!

My favorite part:

Coles had left Charleston earlier for a leisurely flight over the West Virginia countryside last Saturday in his Piper Cherokee and was preparing to land in Gallipolis, Ohio, when the snake revealed itself.

"Nothing in any of the manuals ever described anything like this," the 62-year-old Cross Lanes resident said.

Okay, first of all: the snake "revealed itself." Gotta love a snake with a flair for the dramatic!

Second of all: How can it be that aircraft/snake juxtapositions aren't covered in training manuals? Have we learned NOTHING from this movie that none of us have seen yet? The next time I fly, I damn well better find that my airtoon card in the seat pocket pictorially depicts what I should do in case of snake. (If you're out there, and you've got the Photoshop skillz, gin 'em up and let's roll!)

NOTE TO S.O.A.P. PRODUCERS: Are you EFFING KIDDING me? You have got to get this guy on some sort of junket, right now! Put him on the talk shows. Invite him to the premiere. Start scripting the obvious DVD extra "Real Life Snakes On A Plane Survivors". You have still got to buzz buzz buzz your movie all through July and this dude has fallen into your lap!

(ALSO: Is it too late to CGI in some shots of a valiant dauschund, facing down the snakes with aplomb? That's a great plot add that comes right from real life. My thought is, make it Samuel Jackson's travelling companion-slash-pet. Digitally impose the doggy into the scenes, name the dauschund "Motherfucker" and rely on Jackson's tendency to say "Motherfucker" every other word to establish their bond. You just need a few quick cut-away shots to establish. ALSO: Star wipes! Star wipes rule!)

Thanks to Rob for the tip!

4 comments:

The Cut said...

Listened to the story on NPR on my way to work. I'll look for a link on their site. I was TRANSFIXED to my radio. I almost pulled over and called to say I would be a bit late. This guy is my effing hero. He rules!

The Cut said...

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5448666


ENJOY!!!!

The Governess said...

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




(I KNOW)

Divine Ms. K said...

Dude. With all this buildup, you had better be planning one hell of a movie-going premiere party. I expect my invitation engraved. ;-)